While it’s normal to want some external validation in our lives, for some people, the habit becomes addictive. When you feel like this, other people’s opinions of you either have the power to briefly make you feel better or shatter your self-esteem even more. While it feels impossible to break this cycle, you’ll be much happier for it once you begin to understand why you behave this way and build your confidence. Here are some wake-up calls if you’re constantly seeking validation from other people.
1. It Pushes People Away.
The need for validation can overwhelm some of the people in your life. It takes a lot of their emotional labor to constantly assure you that everything is good and that they love you. Sure, they should vocalize their feelings for you, but it doesn’t need to happen multiple times a day.
2. The Relief Is Temporary.
Seeking validation from other people will never be enough. While you might be reassured for a little while when someone you love confirms that everything is good, you’ll be spiraling again in no time. Seeking validation is a band-aid, not the solution.
3. Failure Feels Like The End Of The World.
When you constantly seek validation and approval from other people, it feels like the end of the world when things go wrong. No one likes being reprimanded, rejected, or making a mistake, but those who don’t seek validation from other people all the time and who realize their own worth aren’t as crushed by it.
4. Your Friendships Will Suffer.
If your friends are afraid to address issues with you because you fall apart whenever they’re not singing your praises, the friendships can soon grow sour. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. What might have been a minor issue that could have been easily resolved will snowball when it’s ignored. Think of it this way: wouldn’t you be annoyed if you tried to address something someone did to you, and ended up having to comfort them because they’re upset that you’re upset about what they did? While you’re not malicious, it’s not fair.
5. You’ll Inevitably Burn Out.
If you’re constantly seeking validation, chances are you’re a people pleaser. Constantly giving 110% or going above and beyond for everyone in your life, will leave you with no time for rest and rejuvenation. People pleasers are more at risk of burnout for a reason. From experience, it’s a long and difficult hole to dig yourself out of, so avoid it if you can.
6. You’ll Get Taken Advantage Of.
To tie into the point above, since you’re so desperate for external validation, you’ll probably want to do almost anything to make someone else happy. Sadly, bad people can take advantage of that. It’s not your fault when someone else hurts you, but it is a huge wake-up call as this habit leaves you vulnerable.
7. It Prevents You From Making New Connections.
The need for external validation stems from a fear of rejection, but that behavior can be exactly why people reject you. Your friends and family know and love you for who you are, but coming off too strong shortly after meeting someone new could send them running.
8. Stress Is Terrible For Your Health.
The need for validation likely leaves you feeling stressed all the time. This isn’t only bad for your mental health, but your physical health too. Stress isn’t unavoidable in life. Sometimes bad things happen that are out of our control, but try not to put yourself under unnecessary emotional strain.
9. You’ll Lose Yourself.
People who crave validation usually do so because they don’t think they’re enough for others. So, when you’re trying to be who everyone else wants you to be to feel accepted you end up losing yourself in the process. After all, isn’t constantly changing your interests and appearance every time you’re in a new friend group jading? Be yourself, the right people will come along.
10. You’ll Make Decisions For The Wrong Reasons.
In extreme cases of needing external validation, you might have made all your major life decisions based on what other people would think. If you live for other people, you’ll end up hating your life. What will you do if those people leave? Make decisions because they’re the right thing for you.
11. You Chase Emotionally Unavailable People.
Sometimes the need for validation leaves you craving a challenge. Maybe you had to fight for your parents’ love as a child, and now you chase emotionally unavailable people because you think winning them over will make you feel better. The truth is emotionally unavailable people will never be able to give you more than a few breadcrumbs. That doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally unlovable. You can’t fix them or love them into loving you. Worry about healing your own wounds instead.
12. You’re Miserable.
People who are content with their lives don’t need other people to validate their worth. While it’s not your fault you crave validation, it is your responsibility to work through it. You’ll never be happy if you don’t.
13. You’re Easy To Manipulate.
Again, it’s not your fault when other people are nasty. You definitely don’t deserve to be treated poorly. With that said, the need for validation gives the wrong people ammunition to use against you. If you rightfully call someone out on their poor behavior, all they need to do is say something like “Wow, I thought you were a nicer person,” for you to back down. Stand your ground. Sometimes you need to ruffle a few feathers.
14. You Have No Purpose.
If all you can think about is being validated by other people, what else do you have? You need to have something that fulfills you to live for. There are going to be times in life when you’re alone, so you need something to give it meaning.
15. You Can’t Make Everyone Like You.
No matter how wonderful you are, not everyone will like you. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it’s just human nature. When you constantly seek validation, this fact of life is something you’re never going to be able to accept. The truth is, you can’t win everyone over; don’t exhaust yourself trying to.
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