I Want To Have A Family But Motherhood Kinda Freaks Me Out

Like a lot of women, I grew up dreaming of getting married and raising a family. However, over the years, the whole motherhood thing has started to seem, well, kind of terrifying.

I’m awkward around kids. 

It’s not that I dislike kids, I just don’t know how to interact with them. I’m the youngest of two so I never got any practice with a younger sibling growing up. When someone hands me a baby, I just feel uncomfortable and awkward with it. I want to be able to interact with kids but it just doesn’t come naturally to me at all. I’m hoping that would change if I had my own, but what if it didn’t?

I’m not really mature enough to be a parent. 

I feel like a lot of my fears of motherhood will subside as I get older, or at least that’s what I’m banking on. Currently, the idea of having a child is overwhelming and totally undesirable to me. I still have too many things I want to do and I’m too used to being selfish with my time, money, and energy to even think about having kids. I’ve been married for three years and it’ll be at least another five or six before I’m ready to start a family.

The idea of giving birth scares me

I have a high pain tolerance and I’m not afraid of being uncomfortable for a while, but some of the stories I’ve heard from mothers are downright awful. It’s hard to imagine lending my body to babies for nine months at a time, having to push a small human out of a tiny (albeit elastic) hole, and being excited about it.

I know how I want to parent but I don’t know if it’ll pan out like that. 

I have a pretty clear idea of how I want to raise my kids. My husband and I have clear beliefs and values that we want to instill in our future kids and there are no doubts about our parenting methods. We also have a great support system that I know would help us out when we have questions. That being said, you can be the best parent in the world and your kids can still turn out to be a mess. What if that happens to me?

I’m scared of raising kids in this world. 

Maybe it’s just part of growing up, but the world seems so much darker now than it did even a decade ago. How do you raise good kids and keep them out of trouble anymore? Sometimes it feels like it isn’t even worth it even though I know deep down that isn’t true.

My husband will be a great dad… 

When I look at my husband, I can see what a great father he’ll be. He’s kind, strong, hardworking, and loves me very much. He’s the kind of guy that kids want for a father, and I want that for him. They always say to marry the kind of guy you would want your daughter to date and I know I found one.

… But he’s not close to wanting kids either. 

Even though he’ll be a great father eventually, we are totally in the same nope-boat right now. All of his friends are having kids and he’s starting to get a little freaked out. That’s fine and I’m glad we’re on the same page, but his nervousness sorta compounds mine sometimes and I have to remember to breathe.

Being in charge of tiny humans seems overwhelming. 

My schedule is already packed full as it is—I can’t imagine trying to keep an eye on three little devils running around my house all day long. I enjoy being my own person and I never want to just be “so-and-so’s mom” who’s running around after them all the time. I just can’t wrap my head around giving up my identity to be just a mom. I want it all, which is hard to balance.

No one is ever really ready to be a parent. 

Even though I have mixed feelings about being a mom at this point in my life, I don’t think that anyone is born prepared to have kids. Once we decide we want to take the plunge and start a family, we’ll learn everything on the way. I think the biggest thing is letting go of the stereotype that moms have it all figured out. Even though I have no idea what I’m doing yet, I will figure it out when the time comes and I have to just hold onto that.

I can’t imagine not having a family. 

Even though there are a lot of scary things about becoming a mom, I know never having kids would be a very lonely life for us. We love people and have always wanted to have a house full of little ones of our own. Maybe we aren’t ready yet, but I know that we aren’t meant to be without kids forever.

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