You’re not trying to be a jerk, but sometimes, the way we communicate can seem condescending, even when we have the best intentions. If you’re wondering why people seem to bristle when you speak, it might be because you’re unintentionally talking down to them. Here are 17 ways you might be coming off as condescending, and how to fix it.
1. Using big words unnecessarily
We get it, you have a killer vocabulary, but using fancy words just to sound smart can make people feel stupid. Instead of saying “utilize,” just say “use.” Instead of “endeavor,” try “try.” Keep your language simple and clear, and save the SAT words for your next game of Scrabble. Plus, as Reader’s Digest points out, overcomplicating your communication with big vocab doesn’t actually make you sound more intelligent, anyway.
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2. Explaining things that don’t need explaining
If someone asks you a question, by all means, answer it. But if you’re constantly explaining things that people already know, it can come across as patronizing. Before you launch into a lecture, ask yourself, “Does this person actually need this information?” If the answer is no, zip it.
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3. Correcting people’s grammar or punctuation
Unless you’re an English teacher or you’re specifically asked for feedback, correcting someone’s language is a surefire way to come across as condescending, Entrepreneur points out. If you can understand what they’re trying to say, resist the urge to play grammar police. It’s not a good look.
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4. Giving unsolicited advice
Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean people want to hear it. If someone isn’t explicitly asking for your advice, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Offering unsolicited suggestions can make people feel like you think you know better than them, even if that’s not your intention.
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5. Talking over people
Interrupting someone when they’re speaking is not only rude, it’s also condescending. It sends the message that what you have to say is more important than what they’re saying. Let people finish their thoughts before jumping in with your own. And if you do accidentally interrupt, apologize and let them continue.
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6. Name-dropping or humble-bragging
Casually mentioning your accomplishments or famous friends might seem like a way to establish credibility, but it can actually make people feel small. If your achievements are relevant to the conversation, find a way to bring them up naturally. And if you’re just trying to impress people, maybe rethink your approach.
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7. Using dismissive language
Phrases like “actually,” “in fact,” or “to be honest” can come across as condescending, even if that’s not your intent. They imply that you’re correcting someone or revealing a truth they don’t know. Try to avoid these phrases and simply state your point without the qualifying language.
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8. Rolling your eyes or sighing
Phrases like “Wow, I didn’t think you could do that” are the ultimate backhanded compliment. Instead of expressing surprise, try focusing on celebrating their success without subtle judgment.
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9. Talking in a patronizing tone
The way you say something can be just as important as what you say. If you’re using a sing-songy voice or speaking slowly like you’re talking to a child, it can come across as incredibly condescending. Use a normal, respectful tone of voice, even if you’re explaining something basic.
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10. Asking “Does that make sense?”
Checking for understanding is important, but the way you phrase it matters. Asking “Does that make sense?” can come across as condescending, like you’re not sure if the person is smart enough to follow along. Instead, try something like, “Let me know if you have any questions,” or “Did I explain that clearly?”
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11. Saying “No offense, but…”
While sarcasm can be hilarious, relying on it too heavily can make you seem passive-aggressive and difficult to read. Sometimes, sincerity is the best approach, especially when dealing with sensitive topics. A bit of sarcasm is fine for a laugh, but don’t let it become your entire personality.
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12. Correcting people’s opinions
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if you disagree with them. Correcting someone’s opinion or telling them they’re wrong can come across as incredibly condescending. Instead of trying to change their mind, try to understand where they’re coming from. You might learn something new.
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13. Using industry jargon
If you work in a specialized field, it’s easy to forget that not everyone speaks your language. Using industry jargon or technical terms can make people feel left out or stupid. If you’re talking to someone outside your field, take the time to explain things in plain language. And if you’re not sure if they understand, ask!
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14. Giving backhanded compliments
Compliments are great, but not when they’re backhanded. Saying something like, “You’re smarter than you look,” or “That dress is surprisingly flattering on you,” is not a compliment at all. It’s a thinly veiled insult. If you want to give a compliment, make it genuine and straightforward.
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15. Claiming to be “just honest”
Honesty is important, but it’s not an excuse to be a jerk. If you find yourself constantly prefacing statements with “I’m just being honest,” take a step back. Are you actually being helpful, or are you just using honesty as a cover for rudeness? There’s a difference between being direct and being condescending.
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16. Assuming you know best
Just because you have experience or knowledge in a certain area doesn’t mean you have all the answers. Assuming you know best and dismissing other people’s ideas or opinions can come across as incredibly condescending. Be open to learning from others, even if you think you’re an expert.
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17. Not listening
Perhaps the most condescending thing you can do is not listen to someone when they’re speaking. Ignoring someone, cutting them off, or dismissing their ideas without really hearing them out is the height of disrespect. Make an effort to actively listen and engage with people, even if you don’t agree with everything they say.
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