Whether you love them, hate them, or land somewhere in between, you may have doubts that your family is healthy. Here’s something many of us haven’t come to accept yet: family connections are rarely ever perfect. No one is going to nail the perfect family image 100 % of the time, so if they are making an effort, have a bit of grace. Your family probably isn’t as bad as you think, even if it’s not perfect. You don’t have to take my word for it. If you want to confirm, we’ve come up with 16 examples of what a healthy family looks like so you can check for yourself.
1. They have open lines of communication.
For better or for worse, communication is a big part of a healthy family. This could be for companionship, support, or conflict resolution. A healthy family promotes the open sharing of thoughts and feelings without judgment. This open dialogue can be messy or maybe a little too real, but it’s still important to be able to share your lives with one another.
2. They support and encourage each other.
When you graduate, get the lead role in the school play, or join the baseball team, you can guarantee that the people who turn up will be your family. Healthy families rally around their people to celebrate successes and support their ambitions. When disaster strikes, they’ll be there, too, to lend a hand to those who have fallen on hard times. Healthy families thrive on supporting each other through good and bad.
3. They trust each other.
Honesty and integrity are integral to building close bonds; that’s why a healthy family is incomplete without trust. Believing in each other’s actions and showing that you have honest intentions creates a network where everyone can thrive. Knowing that each family member holds us in regard and wants the best for us can make us feel closer to them. Without trust, there can be fractures in the family structure that can lead to toxic behavior and demonizing each other.
4. They have respect for each other.
Growing up, my mom always told me, “You don’t have to like my choices; you just have to respect them.” At the end of the day, this is the essence of many family bonds. Though you may not understand or even like your family members’ lifestyle choices or behavior, you must accept them for peace. A healthy family will not pardon bad behavior, but they will not condemn it either. They know that fostering healthy bonds means respecting each person’s autonomy, even if it doesn’t make sense to them.
5. They spend quality time together.
Spending time with family might have been a sore spot as a kid. We had our own agendas and didn’t want to waste time sitting down at the dinner table or playing board games. However, looking back, we might wish we had been more tolerant and spent more time with our family. Quality time is an expression of love, bringing families closer together. If you only see them when you’re forced to or need them, it can damage your relationship, whereas prioritizing quality time that is fun and agreed upon can help it flourish.
6. They won’t invade your privacy.
It’s been proven that invading your child’s privacy can lead to them distancing themselves from you in the future. If you want to be more in tune with your family member’s life, the healthier way to go about it is to open a judgment-free dialogue. Healthy families respect boundaries. You are not expected to do everything they say and are treated with respect and autonomy. This allows families to stay close and preserve the trust and respect they’ve built.
7. They show affection and appreciation.
People show love in many complex ways, but what remains true of healthy families is they make sure to show each other love. Showing love and appreciation to our families reinforces our sense of belonging and brings us closer. Even the acts of love that annoy us are worth appreciating because they come from a heartfelt place. Remember this: next time your family gets on your nerves, they’re probably just trying their best to connect with you.
8. They’ll work with you.
Healthy families don’t abide by the my-way-or-the-highway mentality. They are flexible with their plans and try their best to help you get what you need. They may curse or be upset when you disrupt their plans, but they’ll often still help out anyway. That’s because, underneath their gruffness, they would do anything if it meant an easier road for the people they care about. Being willing to change the way they do things so everyone can thrive is a surefire sign that they are on your team.
9. They share responsibilities.
Healthy families are willing to share burdens with each other. When dealing with an ailing grandparent or young children, the more hands available, the better. Communicating what needs to be done and then stepping up to provide relief to the others in their circle is a valuable gesture. It shows they’re an active participant in the family structure and they want to play a role in maintaining its well-being. As with any community, sharing of responsibilities is a must.
10. They show each other empathy and understanding.
Healthy families are meant to be a safe space to share troubles and receive support. This can’t be achieved without the implementation of empathy and understanding. Being receptive to what others have to say and willing to give the benefit of the doubt means that everyone can feel seen and heard. When you are understood, it’s far easier to feel valued, and it can also improve your family dynamic.
11. They don’t force togetherness.
Valuing autonomy and the desires of each family member is important in maintaining a healthy dynamic. It’s vital during development for children to have their requests for alone time validated because it helps them with their self-actualization. Parents may have to step back from influencing their children’s hobbies or allow them the choice of spending time with family. Luckily, children who are raised in a healthy family that values individuality will often still find themselves coming back to spend time.
12. Elders serve as role models.
Your parents and older immediate family members serve as some of your first role models. You can learn a lot about what traits of theirs you do and don’t want to mirror. In a healthy family, elders will model consistency, kindness, and other positive traits to inspire the next generation. If not, you may have to try hard to avoid being like them. Either way, it’s unavoidable that you become like your parents as you get older, so let’s hope you can learn something valuable from them.
13. They’ll try to resolve conflicts.
Nothing is worse than a long-standing grudge or misunderstanding that drives you away from your loved ones. This is why healthy, close-knit families prioritize resolving conflicts. A normal family will fight no matter how close they are; there will be times when everyone doesn’t get along. That said, we know that what happens after the disagreement is far more important than the disagreement itself. Making amends, being willing to apologize, and meeting family members on their level is a sign your family is healthy.
14. They genuinely have fun together.
When you’re with your family, it should be a truly comfortable environment. You’re with the people you’ve known your whole life, who have seen you through your best and worst and loved you at every stage. Letting down this formal pretense can lift a huge weight that allows you to enjoy the company of your family members. It’s a special blessing to find yourself cracking up at every family dinner or feeling like your true self in their company.
15. They’re in it for the long haul.
Family is for life. You may not be able to choose the people you end up with, but you can be sure they’ll be with you no matter what. This can be a blessing and a curse, but what should be a comfort is knowing that you have your family in your corner. These are the people who know you, who support you, and who love you beyond what is reasonable. We all get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but that is temporary; healthy families know that their bond is forever.
