Sexual fetishes run the gamut from pretty basic to more taboo. A daddy kink is one that many women enjoy but not all have the courage to explore. If you want to know more about what it entails and how it plays out in the bedroom, read on for a rundown. You might just discover something you like.
What is a Daddy Kink?
- What it means A daddy kink is a sexual fetish that means you get off from viewing your sexual partner as an authoritative figure while you’re submissive to their guidance and instructions. Sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco adds that it “implies you get excited from calling your partner ‘daddy’ and building your sex fantasies around it.”
- Why does it exist? While many people automatically assume that someone with a daddy kink has issues in their relationship with their actual father, this isn’t necessarily the case. There’s no one reason why this is such a turn-on to many people, and it’s not necessarily worth overthinking. A daddy kink is just like any other sexual kink and you should be able to explore it freely with a willing partner.
- Who tends to have this kink? The daddy kink isn’t just confined to straight women. Lots of gay men have this fetish because of their own complex relationships with their fathers. In fact, it’s one of the main connecting bridges between the straight and LGBTQ communities.
- Related kinks A daddy kink is often accompanied by a praise kink, which is what gets overachievers all hot and bothered. By validating them or threatening that source of validation, it incites a sexual reaction in a person. Sometimes it takes someone spelling it out to make the connection between something that’s always defined you and a sexual preference. There’s a lot of overlap.
How a daddy kink plays out in the bedroom
- Asserting dominance We’ve all heard about “tops” and “bottoms” in both straight and gay relationships, and this is often where the daddy kink will make itself most known. It’s a simple power dynamic that asserts just who exactly is in control. It’s likely that both parties are turned on by their respective roles, because who doesn’t love feeling like someone’s about to put you in your place?
- Roleplaying There are a few ways this can go, with varying levels of complexity and commitment. Usually, if you have created a safe space, in your relationship, the daddy kink can be embraced and explored in a totally non-judgmental way. That’s the key to any kink — the feeling of being able to totally give yourself over to something. It could be something as simple as calling your partner “daddy” while he refers to you as “baby” or his “little girl.” In more extreme cases, you may find yourselves roleplaying these parts. He may give you directions as your “daddy” and if you as his “little girl” obey him, you’ll be rewarded sexually.
- Props to reinscribe that sense of control Maybe to add a little spice to the occasion, you want to include some more sensory play into your kink storyboard. Add some light batons or soft tassel whips with which your daddy can discipline you. Even some feather torture helps add intensity and aids that full body experience. The more you commit to the daddy kink, the more you will get out of it.
- Folding in BDSM where appropriate This might be more of a specialism for some; it’s certainly not for the faint of heart. But, if it’s something that you think could appeal to you, it’s a very natural vehicle that can be used to explore a daddy kink for those more experienced couples. Once you really know each other’s boundaries, you can introduce a little controlled violence or violent play into your foreplay. Realizing that at its core, a daddy kink submits to trust and understanding is profound. BDSM will prove to you that this isn’t just succoring cruelty without a cause. It’s deeper than that.
- Verbal play If the physical side of things seems like it might be a little out of reach for your bedroom, why not start exploring your daddy kink through verbal play? You can start in a validator or a condemning capacity. By using language and insults/praise, you can reinscribe that father-daughter power dynamic. Either way, it’s about control and approval, and authority. You can achieve that just as well with words as with physical touch.
- Teasing All too often, sex is all about anticipation. This is no different from daddy kink-centric play. By building tension, teasing one another, and threatening to withdraw sex, you can play with the boundaries of control. Denying you. It always makes you want it more if you can’t take it for granted, anyway. Plus, how many of us associate our fathers with letting us down?