What To Do When A Guy Is Hot And Cold

At first he said he liked you and you let your guard down because you felt the same. However, now you’re getting a bunch of mixed messages from a guy you’ve been seeing. What are you supposed to do? Here are 11 ways to deal with the frustrating situation of a dude who thinks it’s cool to be hot and cold depending on his mood.

  1. Back off. One of the worst things you can do is try to get his attention if he’s pulling back or going AWOL. Back off a little and try to give him a chance to get back to you. Step away from your phone! Why waste your time?
  2. See what happens. Another benefit of backing off a bit is that you can see where he’s at. Does he think of you? Will he remember that you had plans? Wait and see, otherwise, you’re chasing him and not giving him a chance to show you what he’s really after.
  3. Avoid being needy. If you have feelings for the guy, you might work hard to try to get your relationship on track. But if you try too hard, this can make you come across as needy and even desperate. Instead, focus on yourself and give yourself the attention you’re giving him. This will also make him see that if he doesn’t step up, he’ll lose you.
  4. Ask him what’s up. When you do chat, ask him questions about what he’s told you. Ask him what his weekend was like to see what he says without asking him why he didn’t get in touch. Show an interest and keep things casual, but keep an ear open for BS, like if he doesn’t want to share things about his life. He’s not letting you in because he’s not that interested.
  5. Date other people. Obviously, you should only do this if you’re not exclusive with the guy. Keep your options open. It will help you to focus on the bigger picture because it’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you need tunnel vision with the guy who’s giving you mixed messages. But why?! Don’t obsess over someone who’s not even thinking about you. You might be missing out on someone out there who’s so much better for you.
  6. Give yourself a deadline. You can take your time to find your feet when dating, see where you stand, and let your guy do the same things. But it can help to have your own deadline in your mind so that you don’t risk wasting all your time on someone who’s not worth it. So, if he hasn’t become consistent with you by a certain amount of time and you’ve been dating for weeks, you’re not actually dating. You’re pretty much acquaintances.
  7. Phone a friend. It’s really useful to chat with a friend to get some objective advice on the situation, especially if you’re tired of analyzing the situation to death on your own.
  8. Don’t play games. It can be tempting to want to play games with the guy, like texting him a lot to get his attention and then playing hard to get, but this doesn’t work. It doesn’t let him know that you’re trying to give him a taste of his own medicine, and why would you even want to do that? Stick to dating in the way you date. If you’re consistent and clear about what you want, more power to you. Don’t let someone make you change or stoop down to their level. It’s just not worth it.
  9. If you’re worried, have a talk. You don’t have to have The Talk, but you can ask him where he’s at and what he’s looking for in relationships. You can keep the chat general so you’re not asking him what he wants from you, but it will give you the answers you need. Let’s face it, if you’re dealing with a guy who’s giving you mixed messages and treating you hot and cold, you want to know if you’re dealing with someone who deserves your time or not.
  10. Figure out what you want. When someone’s blowing hot and cold with you, it’s a good time to check in with your relationship wants. What do you really want from this person? Can you trust them? Are their mixed messages constant and annoying? Do you feel like they really like you? Take stock of your feelings and needs. If the person’s not meeting them, why stay?
  11. Remember why you’re worth dating. You’ve got so many things going for you, and if the person giving you mixed messages doesn’t see that they’re really not worth your time. Period!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.