We’ve all been there. You’re on a date with a guy and you’re totally hitting it off. Sometimes the moment is just right and you go for it: You have sex. The next morning, you wake up in a state of paranoia wondering if you’ve totally screwed up your shot at a second date. And so we begin the process of torturing ourselves with worry and shame of giving in to a completely natural urge – because we’ve been told that women that give it up on the first date are unworthy of anything more than just a night. We say, screw that! This logic is dated and we need to stop sabotaging ourselves with regret after doing something that felt completely natural and right at the time. These are the things you need to remember if you’ve had sex on the first date because you really shouldn’t give a damn.
- It’s nobody’s business. It’s not to say you should go knocking boots on every first date, but sometimes there’s a special bond that two people form quickly. Sure, it could be love at first sight, or maybe it’s just lust. The fact is, you’re human. If the moment feels right, it’s no one’s business but yours. If he went along with it, rest assured he felt equally as right about his choice.
- It’s a double standard. It’s an argument as old as time, but it’s one that women are getting sick of hearing. If a guy has sex on the first night, he’s a champ, but if the chick does, she’s easy and unworthy of a real investment of his time. This is pure BS. The truth is if a guy thinks this after building enough of a connection to sleep with you, he’s the real loser in the equation. No pun intended.
- Sexual chemistry is important. A huge factor in the demise of long-term relationships and marriages is the lack of sex or sexual chemistry. If you feel primal urges to connect on this level early on, it’s usually a good indicator that the chemistry is strong, and will likely translate well in the bedroom. Who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is equally as sexually hungry for them?
- You didn’t lose anything. Unless you gave up your virginity on the first date, it’s safe to say that you haven’t really lost anything yet. If anything, you’ve won, because, well, you’ve just had sex! If the feeling of chemistry was there and it was ultimately the right chemistry to form an actual relationship, you have to trust that things will work out the way they should. Even if the way they should means that you never hear from them again. This is only a blessing that you spotted the douchebag side sooner than later. This brings us to our next point…
- You weed out the flakes. Fact: A real man won’t judge you for having sex on the first date. He realizes that he was also a part of the equation and he doesn’t use his typical male stereotypical behaviors as an excuse to stop seeing you or as reasoning to why he’s “lost interest.” If he does, he’s just a childish game player and you’re better off anyways.
- Holding out is a game. While there is logic to the whole idea of holding out, the bottom line is, it is a game. The idea is that you hook a guy into getting to know you and you hold his interest by withholding sex. That’s great and all, but if a guy is willing to get to know you more and continue dating after you’ve had sex isn’t that a hundred times more satisfying than knowing you’re only keeping his interest because he’s just chasing your forbidden lady parts? You know he’s 100% into you and not just sticking around hoping tonight is the night.
- You get to examine and test the goods. Sorry to say it, but there’s nothing worse than dating a guy for a couple of months and have your feelings invested, only to be severely disappointed in what he’s packing or the quality of the sex. It’s much easier to walk away after one date than it is after 12.
- Mistakes are part of the journey. Sometimes you’ll encounter douchebags who will judge you without fully knowing you, and that’s okay. You’ll learn what guys are and aren’t worth it and someone who is going to assume you’re easy because you made an adult decision for yourself without knowing all of the other beautiful things about you isn’t worthy of you anyways. It really is his loss.
- Spinning out won’t change anything. What’s done is done. Once you’ve had sex on the first date, there’s no going back and you shouldn’t regret it despite what old fashion logic tries to tell you. It’s 2015. Women are just as strong and capable in life as men and sex is no different. Carry yourself with the same attitude as men do after they’ve just conquered the bedroom, because girl, so did you. Do what men do after sex; make yourself a sandwich and pour yourself a drink, because lady, you’re a delight and anyone’s opinion of your night of passion shouldn’t make you believe otherwise.