Why Are So Many Guys Scared Of Commitment? Here’s The Real Truth

For many women, commitment is the final frontier of relationships. It makes sense — you’ve found a guy you like and you’re keen to settle down into a long-term relationship. Of course, that’s often easier said than done. Not to generalize too much, but many men have a fear of getting too serious on some level. So why are so many guys so afraid of commitment? Here are a few possibilities.

  1. We don’t want to lose our freedom. For most guys, talk of commitment and serious relationships means being tied down. It means not having the freedom to go out when we want or do what we want. We fear that everything in our lives will revolve around the relationship and the other person, meaning we’ll lose our individuality and our ability to live life how we want to live it. In our defense, serious relationships are a big step and they can be intense. We know things will change, and that can make us fearful of taking the plunge.
  2. We have trust issues. Ladies, you aren’t the only ones who sometimes have trust issues. Men can be just as susceptible to this, especially when we’ve been hurt in a relationship before. If your guy tried a committed relationship before and was betrayed in some way, committing again won’t be easy. Hell, even if he hasn’t been seriously hurt before, it’s not always easy to trust someone. Without trust, there is no commitment. See what I mean?
  3. You may not be “The One.” Some guys can be fearful of commitment when we aren’t 100% sure that you’re “The one.” Men are usually more pragmatic than women. We don’t want to commit to a serious relationship unless we’re sure that it’s going to last forever. If we’re not 100% sure of that, it’s easy for fear to set in. Of course, it’s hard to be 100% sure about anything, which is why a lot of men tend to avoid commitment for as long as possible.
  4. We’re afraid of rejection. To be fair, not all guys are fatalists who expect the worst, but a lot of guys do worry about being rejected and dumped after committing to something. Again, if we get into something serious, we want it to last. If there is any level of doubt that we could be rejected after taking the leap, we’ll be hesitant to even go there.
  5. We worry that we’re not good enough. Ladies, I assure you that you’re not the only ones who experience insecurity and worry about being good enough for their partner. A lot of guys are insecure about being lovable enough to sustain a long-term committed relationship. We don’t always have faith in ourselves that we’re “Mr. Right” as opposed to “Mr. Right Now.” For men who are insecure, we fear that after we lock things down, we’ll eventually be abandoned, which is scary.
  6. We’ve had too many bad relationship experiences. It’s not just being cheated on that can scare guys away from commitment. Any kind of bad relationship experience in the past can make a guy fearful to commit to someone else, regardless of how he feels about you. There could be any number of things that could have gone wrong that will make him think twice about another serious relationship. After all, if it happened once, what’s to stop it from happening again?
  7. Things are moving too fast. Ladies, you don’t ever want to push a guy too hard into making a commitment. I may not know everything but I know that. Most guys have to be eased into commitment. If a relationship is moving too fast, our instinct is to get out of it. While you should be able to talk about the future and it’s reasonable to expect commitment at a certain point, try to ease into it rather than rushing.
  8. We’re worried we’ll get bored. I know, it’s weird to think about being scared of boredom, but it can happen. Guys who have played the field a lot will be afraid of getting bored with the same person if they make a long-term commitment. They’re afraid of commitment because it’s the exact opposite of everything they’ve ever done before relationship-wise. If they’ve always gotten bored with women in the past, they’re afraid that trend will continue, even if they’re somewhat open to the idea of commitment.
  9. We lack positive relationship role models. With men, fear of commitment can sometimes come down to not having any positive role models for it. If a guy’s parents are divorced and none of his friends have a serious girlfriend, he’ll be venturing into unchartered territory if he gets into a committed relationship. If he doesn’t know anyone who’s actually in a committed relationship and happy, it could explain his fear of taking the plunge.
  10. We don’t want to lose our options. Not to sound sleazy, but there are some guys out there who fear commitment because it means giving up other women. Specifically, giving up women they haven’t met before. With so many women in the world, how can we only date or sleep with one of them? In a committed relationship, we lose our options and give up the possibility of being with anyone other than you. I know it sounds stupid, but for guys with no experience with commitment, that can be a scary thought.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.