Why Faking It In Bed Isn’t Helping Anybody

It’s official, ladies – we have an epidemic on our hands: faking it in bed. Despite the fact that feminism is front and center, ladies still feel the need to pretend they’re feeling it when they’d really rather it was over. Be honest – even you might’ve faked it just that one time. Or maybe you’ve even faked it for an entire relationship. Whatever the case may be, it’s time to be honest about what you want sexually so that you actually have a chance to get it. Here’s why faking it isn’t helping anybody.

  1. He’s s going to keep doing whatever he thinks you’re into. Obviously if you’re moaning and groaning, the human being observing you will repeat his actions. If you’re not feeling what he’s doing but pretend you’re loving it anyway, it’s not his fault if he brings the same moves to the bedroom nightly. It’s your fault for not speaking up and guiding him to a different position.
  2. You’re ruining it for future ladies. Look, it’s totally cool that your future ex-boyfriend’s future girlfriend is not exactly on your mind… and if she is, it’s only because they’re currently together and you hate her stinking guts. Don’t worry, that’s totally acceptable (and to be expected, because she’s obviously the worst since she isn’t you). But if you do happen to end things with your ex on kind of okay terms, why not teach him how to not be the worst in bed?
  3. You’re ruining it for you. It’s not fun pretending to be into something you’re not, especially when it comes to dudes. There are way too many times when girls will try to be someone else, and while it helps you hook ’em, it’s not the way to go. That might’ve meant sitting around playing video games in high school or pretending you looooooved sports in college. Perhaps you always drank beer even though you straight up hated the stuff. Whatever it is, if you date someone for long enough, they’ll realize that your interests don’t align. Isn’t it better to see if you mesh well right from the beginning?
  4. You’re not being true to yourself. You know how they say fake it until you make it? That’s not always true, especially if faking it means he thinks you’ve made it already. This isn’t a job interview to become his girlfriend, even if it might feel that way.
  5. Sex isn’t something that needs to be an ego boost for him. It’s kind of a crazy thing, but both of you should be enjoying yourself equally. You shouldn’t feel like it’s your job to get his rocks off, and that you don’t come first (literally and figuratively).
  6. You shouldn’t let pressure ruin your experience. If he keeps asking you if it’s good, it probably isn’t. Just because you’re ready to roll over and go to sleep doesn’t mean you should act like he’s Jake Gylenhaal when the reality is that now that the lights are on he’s much more of a Seth Rogen. If you’re not as into it as you’d like to be, that’s not your fault, and you don’t need to resort to p*rn-worthy moaning to make it seem like you’re totally in sync.
  7. Being fake is never a good thing. If you make fun of people for being fake – whether it’s Photoshopping their pictures on Instagram until they’re unrecognizable or giving you a “Hi, sweetie!” hug when they hate your guts – why would you want to be one of them? You’ll never feel better about yourself when you’re acting like someone else.
  8. There’s no reason you shouldn’t work on it together. Obviously if it’s some kind of one night stand or Tinder bar date that went straight to the bedroom, you might not plan on seeing this dude again. It’s not exactly worth it to train him if he’s awful and you have no plans for a step two. But if you have an inkling that this could be something, why not work together instead of fake out p*rno moaning until you think it’s through?
Margaret is a freelance writer who covers pop culture and fashion in New York City and currently writes for Page Six's Style section. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, xoJane, and Racked. She tweets about her crippling caffeine addiction and teen TV obsession here: @margaretabrams