Why Having High Emotional Intelligence Isn’t Always a Good Thing

Emotional intelligence (EQ) gets a lot of hype – and for good reason. Being able to understand and manage your own emotions while empathizing with other people‘s is a recipe for smoother relationships and personal growth. But, like most things in life, there can be a downside. Here’s why having super-high EQ isn’t always a superpower.

1. You end up overanalyzing everything.

Highly emotionally intelligent people are skilled at picking up on subtle cues and underlying meanings. While this is a strength, it can lead to obsessive overthinking of every word and interaction. Sometimes a raised eyebrow is just that – not a hidden sign of disapproval. Overanalyzing can create problems that weren’t even there in the first place. As Psychology Today reveals, high EQ often goes hand in hand with anxiety, and it’s easy to see why.

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2. It can be straight-up exhausting.

Constantly tuning in to your own emotional state and the feelings of those around you takes serious mental energy. This can lead to burnout, especially for highly empathetic individuals. Finding a balance between emotional awareness and giving your brain a break is crucial to avoid feeling constantly overwhelmed.

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3. You develop people-pleasing tendencies.

Wanting to keep the peace and make other people feel good is a noble trait, but with high EQ, this can lead to neglecting your own needs in pursuit of keeping everyone else happy. Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and say “no” sometimes. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and self-care isn’t selfish!

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4. You’re easily hurt by criticism.

People with high EQ tend to be sensitive and internalize feedback, constructive or otherwise. Even a small criticism can feel like a personal attack, making it hard to brush things off. It’s important to learn how to separate constructive feedback from negativity and build resilience without taking every comment to heart. Forbes suggests avoiding knee-jerk reactions, practicing active listening, and seeing the positives as effective ways to learn to accept constructive criticism.

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5. You struggle with “tough love.”

Emotionally intelligent people understand the nuances of feelings, so bluntness can hit hard. They may find it tough to deliver harsh truths, even when it’s for someone’s own good. Finding the right balance between empathy and setting needed boundaries is a lifelong skill for those with high EQ.

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6. You struggle to make quick decisions.

Those with high EQ weigh every angle, considering the emotional impact on themselves and other people. This can lead to agonizingly slow decision-making, especially when tough choices are involved. Sometimes you have to trust your gut and take action, even if it means not every single person will be on board with your decision.

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7. You’re prone to absorbing negativity.

man head in hands in living room

Deep empathy is a gift but means you feel other people’s pain deeply. Being surrounded by negative people, toxic situations, or even just the evening news can be emotionally draining. Protect your energy! Limit exposure to negativity, practice mindfulness, and find positive outlets to recharge your emotional battery.

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8. FOMO (fear of missing out) can hit hard.

Seeing everyone else seemingly having fun while you’re struggling with heavy emotions can trigger intense FOMO. High EQ folks see the connections they could be making and feel the absence deeply. Remember, social media highlight reels aren’t real life. Focus on what makes YOU feel good, even if it’s staying in with a good book.

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9. You may be seen as manipulative.

People with high EQ are skilled at reading people and subtly influencing their emotions. While usually well-intentioned, this can be misconstrued as manipulation if they’re not careful. It’s important to use your emotional intelligence with integrity, focusing on creating positive outcomes for everyone involved, not just yourself.

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10. You end up attracting emotionally draining people.

Your high EQ might make you a magnet for those who need a shoulder to cry on or want to unload their emotional baggage. While helping is admirable, it can leave you feeling drained if you’re their go-to. Setting boundaries is essential! Kindly but firmly guide people towards professional help if their needs exceed what you can offer as a friend or partner.

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11. You struggle to switch off.

Portrait of tired unsatisfied economist girl sit chair hands touch cheeks watch boring webinar seminar business center inside.

Your mind might be a whirlwind of emotions – yours and everyone else’s. High EQ folks can struggle to relax and truly shut down, especially after a socially or emotionally intense day. Finding activities that help you “switch off,” like exercise or time in nature, is key for maintaining mental well-being. Psych Central suggests finding distractions and practicing mindfulness can also help in this regard.

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12. You feel like an outsider sometimes.

Stress, depression or burnout teacher on school floor with

Being highly attuned to emotions can make you feel different from those who are less introspective. You might even have trouble relating to people who seem completely oblivious to social cues. Seek out people with similar levels of emotional intelligence. Finding a community where you don’t feel like the odd one out is important.

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13. Your high moral standards can be isolating.

Seeing the nuances in situations means you might hold yourself and other people to an incredibly high standard. This can make it hard to connect with people whose values don’t align with your own. Uphold your values, but remember that everyone is on their own journey. Seek out those who share your principles without judging everyone who falls short.

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14. You’re prone to comparison traps.

Constantly evaluating your emotional reactions compared to others can lead to unhealthy comparisons. You might see someone breezing through a situation and wonder why you struggle with it. Everyone has different emotional thresholds. Celebrate your sensitivity as a strength while also working on building emotional resilience. Psychology Today suggests accepting that comparison is human nature while also acknowledging that continuing to do so will only make you fel worse.

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15. Perfectionism rears its ugly head a lot.

People with high EQ desire harmony and often see the ideal way a situation could play out. This can lead to crippling perfectionist tendencies and a reluctance to take risks for fear of negative emotional fallout. Remember, “done is better than perfect.” Allow yourself to be human, make mistakes, and learn from the messy, emotionally complex aspects of life.

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Brad grew up in St. Louis and moved to California to attend Berkeley College of Music, where he graduated with a bachelor's degree in Music Production and Engineering. He still plays in a band on the weekend and during the week does a lot of writing and coffee-making to pay the bills. He's also been married for 7 years now, so he figures he must be doing something right.
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