Why He Won’t Leave You Alone Even Though He Doesn’t Want to Date You

One of the most frustrating things about unrequited love or a relationship that just doesn’t work out is when the guy rejects you and says he doesn’t want to date you but won’t just leave you alone. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t want a relationship with you but he can’t seem to stop blowing your phone up and finding excuses to see you. What’s up with that?

  1. He’s straight-up lying. The easiest and most simple assumption is that he’s flat-out lying when he says he doesn’t want to date you. He could be lying for a number of reasons. He might not want to be tied down to one person. He might be afraid of getting hurt or falling in love. He might have some sort of weird insecurity complex that’s telling him that you’re not good enough for him or that he’s not good enough for you. Whatever the reason for his lies, if he can’t seem to leave you alone, he might just be fibbing about his feelings.
  2. He doesn’t feel ready for a relationship. If he just got out of something serious or if he just doesn’t feel like he’s in a place in his life where he can fully commit to a romantic relationship, that might be the reason why he pushes you away but still stays close. He has an issue with being real with you about his feelings and actually making a move to take your relationship anywhere. However, the heart wants what it wants and he is powerless to stop his feelings for you.
  3. He recently got his heart broken. Timing is sometimes everything in love and if you happen to meet an amazing guy that you’re super into immediately after he ends a serious relationship, it’s just really bad timing. It’s not really that he doesn’t want to date you. He probably really likes you and wants to spend time with you and get to know you better. He’s most likely just really nervous about jumping into something serious so soon and terrified of being hurt or hurting you.
  4. He’s just a jerk. Unfortunately, there’s a distinct possibility that this guy is just a flat-out loser. There are guys out there that might like you and want a relationship with you deep down, but they let other people’s opinions dictate their behavior. Maybe this guy’s friends don’t think he should be with you. Maybe he has a superiority complex and thinks he should be with a supermodel or some other unrealistic/unattainable version of a woman. Whatever his problem is, just leave it as his problem. You don’t need to get mixed up with a guy who doesn’t even have the balls to admit his feelings for you. You deserve better.
  5. He doesn’t know what he wants. Sometimes, the reason that a guy will neglect to make things official with you but will always seem to stay close by, is because he’s still trying to figure out what he wants. It can be scary if you really like someone but aren’t sure if you want to jump into something serious so, he may just need some time. Regardless of his fears though, the decent thing for him to do would be to be honest with you about his worries that way he’s not just leaving you hanging and making you wonder about what’s going through his head.
  6. He’s looking for a hookup. Even though he doesn’t want to date you, he might just want to keep you around as a friend with benefits. There’s nothing wrong with this if you both feel comfortable with it, but the problem is that when one person has feelings for the other and wants something deeper and more serious than a hookup, there can be a lot of pain. If you really want to move on and heal from this pain, it’s probably best to just cut this person off entirely, as difficult as that may be.
  7. He’s jealous of what you might have. Another reason guys tend to hang around even though they claim they don’t want a relationship with you or have ended a relationship is that they have an “if I can’t have you, no one can” kind of mentality. It’s completely unfair for him to still think he has some sort of claim over you and to intervene in your life so that it’s difficult for you to move on with someone new. The best thing to do in this type of situation is to be upfront with him and let him know that he needs to back off and let you move on. He can’t have it both ways. You deserve to be happy.
  8. He feels guilty. It might be his guilty conscience that’s keeping him so present in your life. If the breakup or conversation that you had where he told you that your relationship was over left you really hurting, he might just be sticking around because he feels so bad about hurting you. It’s nice that he feels bad but sometimes when someone hangs around, it makes it harder to move on and heal.
  9. He wants to keep you as an option. This could be another possibility as to why he can’t seem to leave you alone but has made it known that he doesn’t want to be with you. It’s really unkind and unfair for a guy to do this to you but unfortunately, it happens all the time. He doesn’t want a relationship with you at this time but he’s worried that he might change his mind in the future and doesn’t want to ruin his chances to get back with you so, he hangs around and gives you false hope that he’s going to change his mind about you. The best thing to do in this situation is just to straight-up kick him to the curb. He’s just dead weight at this point and he’s holding you back.


Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.