Love is described as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person” by Merriam-Webster Dictionary. But is that all love is, just a feeling of strong affection for someone? It sure seems like it’s more than that when another person is invading your every thought or your world is falling apart after the person you love leaves you. What about devotion? Shouldn’t that be part of the definition of love? And what happens when that love and devotion isn’t enough? What if you gave everything you had and it still didn’t work out? Sometimes love just isn’t enough to make it work.
Sometimes the compatibility isn’t there
. You can really care about someone, but if you’re not right for each other, you’re just not right. It won’t change the fact that you really want kids and he doesn’t, it won’t change the fact that he’s an avid smoker and you’re allergic to cigarettes, and it won’t change the outcome. Being really devoted and loving them isn’t enough to change it, either.
Real life gets in the way.
Sometimes things happen that change you forever, whether it’s a death in the family, finding out you have an illness, or any number of other circumstances. These things are out of your control, but they can change everything in your life. You may decide that you want something different or that you need a change. You may not place as much of an emphasis on your relationship, causing it to crumble. It happens sometimes.
You can’t control another person’s actions.
You can’t dictate your significant other’s desires or what they want out of life. You can love someone very much and it won’t change their mind. As Death Cab For Cutie says, “There’s no blame for how our love did slowly fade.” It’s not anyone’s fault; it just isn’t right.
You grew up and your significant other didn’t (or vice versa).
Personal growth happens over time, and you either grow up together or you grow apart. Your interests, beliefs, and needs change over time and if they change in opposite directions, it’s just not going to work.
You’re both not willing to compromise
. I was talking to a friend when my ex and I were in one of our million fights and she asked me if either of us were willing to try to work it out. To my surprise, not only did I answer that my ex wasn’t into compromising, but neither was I. It didn’t matter if I loved this person or not. It wasn’t going to work out if neither of us budged.
You’re forgiving your significant other for things you wouldn’t forgive anyone else for.
You don’t want to admit that he or she has faults because you love them and you don’t want the relationship to end, so you string it along, making excuses. Loving someone shouldn’t involve compromising who you are to make it work, especially with someone who isn’t respecting you. Remember that just because they make you happy sometimes, that happiness doesn’t outweigh the routine sadness they make you feel, either. You can really love meth, but that doesn’t change the fact that meth can kill you. Toxic people and relationships function the same way. Kick the habit.
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