Why You Shouldn’t Be Upset When Your Crush Doesn’t Feel The Same

Why You Shouldn’t Be Upset When Your Crush Doesn’t Feel The Same ©iStock/Leonardo Patrizi

It’s so amazing when you find someone you love and who loves you back. But when that relationship ends and you’re single again, it’s difficult to remember that feelings aren’t always mutual. You never know how a relationship is going to go or if the other person’s feelings will match your own. Having an unrequited crush is an awful feeling and can bring back memories of high school awkwardness, but it’s bound to happen sometimes. That doesn’t mean you have to face-plant into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. When you like a guy who doesn’t feel the same, remember these 10 things.

  1. He doesn’t know the real you. How much can you really get to know someone on a first date or before you even get that far? He may know some surface things about you – your job, your favorite TV show, how you like your coffee – but he doesn’t truly know you, so how can he judge who you are? When you put it this way, it’s not even a rejection.
  2. It might not even be about you. The most crazy-making thing about the dating game is that we never know what a guy’s expectations are. He might not even be in the market for a relationship right now or he might be hung up on someone else. It’s doubtful that it’s down to you.
  3. If it is about you, it’s totally his loss. So what if he doesn’t laugh at your jokes or want to have a conversation about your hobbies and interests? You may like him, but that doesn’t mean he gets your sense of humor or that you two have anything in common. It’s worth it to hold out for someone who gets you and wants to know more about whatever you’re into and hopefully share those interests.
  4. You’ll move on to better things (and guys). Unrequited love is the stuff of countless novels and ’90s teen dramas. It feels awful and it sucks, but if you can accept it and forget about it, you will be so much better for it. Just like it’s not a good idea to sulk too long after a bad breakup, you don’t want to think about this guy for too long. He’s just one guy, right? There are so many out there.
  5. You don’t like every guy who likes you. You’ve definitely gone on a few first dates and immediately ruled the guy out, even before you got a chance to order a drink. You stayed for an hour to be completely sure but your first instincts were right. When you got that next-day text asking to see you again, you said you weren’t feeling it or – it’s okay to admit it – ghosted him. Just flip the scenario around. Not every guy you like is going to like you, either.
  6. Love is a mysterious, magical thing. When we click with someone and everything is there – the mutual attraction, the fun conversation and banter, the emotional connection – it feels easy and effortless. But it’s completely out of our hands. It’s like magic. So if you like a guy and can see yourself with him but he doesn’t feel the same, that magic just isn’t there. Remember that and don’t feel bad.
  7. It says nothing about your self-worth. When we were kids, we had huge imaginations and lived in our heads. Everything was new and exciting and had potential. We basically assumed that if we wanted to be friends with someone, they would want to be friends with us, too. Why wouldn’t they? It’s a sad day when you get older and realize that not everyone likes you. But it doesn’t mean you’re not awesome.
  8. 8. Playing the blame game is a waste of time. Our brains like to cycle endlessly about all the things we should have said or done. If you could have just acted a bit differently/cooler/less like yourself, maybe that guy would like you, right? This usually happens when you’re desperately hoping for sleep. So convenient. Stop wondering what you did or said and realize that you’re totally fine the way you are.
  9. 9. It will feel that much better when you someone does like you back. When you fall in love again after thinking it would never happen ever again (thanks to a nasty breakup), it’s an amazing surprise. Be patient and you’ll forget all about this guy sooner than you think.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.