I Won’t Come Every Time, But I Still Want A Guy Who Makes An Effort To Get Me There

I Won’t Come Every Time, But I Still Want A Guy Who Makes An Effort To Get Me There ©iStock/Skynesher

There’s more to great love-making than coming at the end, and since it takes women longer to get aroused and make it to the finish line, we’ve learned that we don’t necessarily have to come every time to enjoy having making love with someone. Of course, it would be nice to come every time, but what really matters to me is that a guy put in the effort to make it happen — even if it ultimately doesn’t. Sometimes an epic experience just isn’t in the cards, but I certainly appreciate a guy who cares enough to try anyway.

  1. No one likes a guy who’s selfish in bed. Guys who only care about themselves shouldn’t even be allowed to see a girl naked. If we all stopped putting up with the guys who get off in five minutes and then run for the door, the wouldn’t exist anymore. Or at least we wouldn’t know they exist.
  2. He might not know what he’s doing. If he doesn’t try to make me come, that’s going to make me think he doesn’t know how and he’s either too ashamed to admit it or that he has no idea that what he’s doing doesn’t actually work. Then my choices are either to take it upon myself to teach him or to cut him loose so I can find a guy who actually knows what a clitoris is.
  3. If he doesn’t try, I can only assume he doesn’t care. Any guy who has ever genuinely liked me has at least put in the effort to make me come. He wants me to enjoy having making love with him because he knows he’s going to want to do it again. If a guy cares, he tries — it’s as simple as that.
  4. It’s a waste of time if he isn’t even going to try. Generally, the point of making love is to come. Everything you’re doing is building up to that moment, so if I know for sure I’m not going to make it, why would I even start the race in the first place? It’s one thing if his efforts just aren’t working one night, but it’s entirely another if he doesn’t even try at all.
  5. Sometimes I’m fine with it being all about him. If a guy works hard to make sure I come the majority of the time, then there will definitely be times where I’m willing to let him take a break. A guy who never even tries to make me come definitely isn’t going to get much effort in return.
  6. If he doesn’t try, he’ll never figure it out. Just like most things, practice makes perfect. I wouldn’t expect a guy who just started making love to know how to make a girl come, but if he’s around my age, I’m going to assume he’s had intimate experiences with a few other girls before me. If he hasn’t bothered to figure it out by now, what kind of hope is there for the future?
  7. Sometimes I’m just not in the right mood. Just like most women, there are always going to be times when the usual key to me coming just isn’t working. It can be frustrating at times, but it’s a lot worse if a guy doesn’t even bother trying before giving up. Don’t assume I’m not going to cum just because it’s taking a little longer either– at least give it a shot.
  8. There are plenty of guys out there who will try. If this guy has no idea what he’s doing, there are a lot of other guys out there who do. In fact, there are plenty of guys who say their favorite thing about making love is making a girl come. I don’t know about anyone else, but that’s the kind of guy I’m looking for, and I’m not going to waste my time on anything less.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.