I’m at a point in my life where I can finally stand on my own two feet. Not only can I afford to live alone, I can provide for myself the way that I want because I’ve worked really hard to be in a position to do so. As a result, I expect the man that I date to have it together too. If I’m going to date a guy, having his own place is a must.
It demonstrates his independence. I’m super independent. I earn my own money and pay my own bills and I expect the same in a partner. A man with his own place shows me that he gets that vibe and it’s a huge turn on. It tells me that we share that really important quality of self-sufficiency and it makes me immediately interested in him.
I need to know he’s financially smart. Many people live at home or with a roommate until they save or make enough money to get their own place because of the high cost of living in many cities. I understand why people do this but I prefer to be with a guy who’s already at that place in his life because I am. Financial stability is something that I’ve worked hard to achieve and complete financial independence is one of my greatest ongoing objectives. Now that I’m here, I want to be with a guy who’s on the same page. As someone who’s been in a relationship with a broke guy, I don’t want to risk dealing with jealousy and inferiority complexes just because I’m financially stable and he’s not.
If he has his own place, he’s more likely to be ready for a relationship. A guy who lives in a frat house or with a roommate may not be in a place emotionally to share his physical life or his space with a partner in a serious way because he’s already sharing it with someone else. If he has roommates, maybe his priorities are getting money and living the single/casual dating life rather than getting into a serious relationship. That’s just not for me.
If he has his own place, I’ll know he’s past the college mentality. The frat houses I encountered in college have left me revolted at the sight of a group of men that live together. In my opinion, there are few things more annoying than a bunch of dudes who live together in a dirty, sloppy, musty, man-smell-infused home with game consoles and big screen televisions all over the place and a refrigerator only full of beer. I mean, let’s be honest—have you ever met a group of guys who lived together with a pristine, clean, smartly decorated home? If you have, please send photo proof. For me, I don’t even want to risk it.
If he has his own place, he probably knows how to live alone. I need to be with a guy who knows how to live alone and take care of himself—and no, the guy who lived in a single dorm room his last two years of college does not have experience living alone. I need someone who pays his own rent and utilities and has some semblance of personal responsibility, not the guy who Venmos his roommate all of his bills for the month because nothing is in his name. It’s not easy taking care of yourself on your own dime—I know firsthand—but a man who knows how to do it is the type of man for me.
I don’t want to tip-toe around someone’s roommate. Don’t you love when you can jump out of bed and walk to the kitchen for a drink of water without having to put on any clothes? Yeah, same. Unfortunately, a guy with one or more roommates will make that super inconvenient. The bottom line is that I’m way too old to worry about awkward run-ins with my guy’s roommates. Lazy Saturdays with your guy are so much more fun when you can do them in your underwear without thinking about whether you’re inconveniencing someone else.
I want to be able to have sex and not worry about whose stuff I’m doing it on. Similar to my above concern, I’m really hesitant to date a guy who has a roommate for practical sex reasons. Think about it. You get back from a late night out and you want to have spontaneous sex on the couch but your plans are halted because you have to think about the fact that you’re gonna do it on his roommate’s couch. Gross.
I don’t always want to be at my place. I’ve been in relationships in the past where I was the one who lived alone so we were always at my place. Yes, I lived alone, but I lived in an oversized studio that fit all of my things, not two people’s things. It’s nice during the dating phase to be able to choose whose place you want to hang out at, not only choose one place because it’s the only way you get privacy.
I’m not a snob—I just know what I want. My friends have told me that I’m a total snob for having this dating criterion, but I’m not sorry for it. I know what I want. I know what is important to me. I know what I have to offer, I’ve calculated my self-worth, and therefore I’m aware of the types of qualities I require in a potential mate. Plus, it’s not like I’m asking for something that I can’t match. I have my own place! Of course, there’s room to bend the rules here and there, but for now, I’m sticking to my guns on this one.
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