How To Get A Guy To Talk To You Without Being Desperate Or Weird About It

Figuring out how to get a guy to talk to you without looking desperate or weird is hard. Conventional flirting methods can be awkward or even unnecessarily complicated, but going too far off the map is scary and may not be all that successful. So, how do you go about grabbing a man’s attention without losing your sanity in the process? We’re here to help, so read on for some tips.

How to get a guy to talk to you

  1. Smile. It’s obnoxious when men tell women to smile, of course, but it’s true that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, as the old saying goes. No one wants to chat with someone who appears miserable. So, if you want to get a guy to talk to you, you have to seem inviting. Smiling is a good place to start.
  2. Make eye contact. While you don’t want to freak him out by staring at him like a serial killer from across the room, making eye contact can be sexy if done right. Cast a glance or two his way and if he meets your eye, sustain it, adding in a smile before looking away. This lets him know you’re on the same page and may encourage him to approach.
  3. Give him a little wink. Yes, it’s cheesy as hell. That’s kind of the point. If this guy has a sense of humor, he’ll find it hilarious and appreciate that you don’t take yourself too seriously. No one does this unironically anymore, right?
  4. Chat with his friends. If you’re out with a group of friends and he’s with his, getting in with his bros is a great way to get his attention too. Just keep it casual and be sure not to flirt with any of them. The guy you like may end up thinking you’re into someone else rather than him. Not ideal.
  5. Lightly brush him as you walk by. Let’s be clear: touching someone else without their permission, regardless of gender, is inappropriate. However, if he’s sitting at the bar and you need to move past him to get by, there’s nothing to say you can’t slightly brush him as you go. He may just get a whiff of your perfume or simply be alerted to your presence.
  6. Follow him on social media. If you’re not seeing him in person but know him online, this is a pretty surefire way to get a guy to talk to you. When he notices you hit the follow button, he might be inspired to do the same. You never know when you might get a DM from him if he likes what he sees.
  7. Comment on or like his pics. Assuming he’s not rude and you actually have something worthwhile to say, he’ll definitely respond to any comments you like on his content. For instance, if he posts a pic of his dog, you might comment about how much you love yours. That might prompt him to ask your pet’s name and what kind of dog it is, etc. You’re laying the groundwork for a solid conversation if you play it smartly.
  8. Mind your body language. Again, people aren’t going to want to approach you if you look miserable, bitchy, or aloof. Standing around with your arms crossed and a sour look on your face isn’t very welcoming. Be open and relaxed. The more approachable you look, the more likely he’ll be to do so.
  9. Keep having fun and doing you. At the end of the day, you live your life for yourself, not for attention from guys. It’s amazing just how attractive it is to guys when a woman is just doing her and having a great time rather than spending every waking moment trying to snag a man. Enjoy doing whatever it is you’re doing — working at the coffee shop, dancing with your friends, etc.
  10. Buy him a drink. If you’re at the bar, sending a drink his way is a good move. It’s modern — no waiting for him to pay for your G&T — and ballsy, and that’s hot. Even if he’s not interested romantically, he’s likely to chat to you to thank you for the gesture. You might just hit it off.
  11. Bring in a wingwoman. Sure, you’re not in high school anymore, but there’s no reason your friends can’t help you out. If you have one girl in your crew who’s great at being a wingwoman, ask for her help to get the guy you like to talk to you. She’ll likely have some pretty ingenious ideas to achieve just that.
  12. Initiate the conversation yourself. Instead of waiting for him to talk to you, what’s to stop you from approaching him? We’re well into the 21st century now and there’s no reason you need to be a passenger in your own life. Take the driver’s seat and go after what you want.
  13. Don’t overthink it. At the end of the day, attraction isn’t rocket science. You’re an amazing catch and any guy would be lucky to have you. Be your naturally charming self and you can’t go wrong.

What to do if the above suggestions don’t work

If you’ve tried everything you can to get a guy to talk to you and he’s still not taking the bait, it’s probably time to give up. After all, you should never have to chase a guy to get him to show interest in you. If he’s lukewarm or uninterested now, that doesn’t bode well for any possible relationship between you.

As much as it sucks to know that someone you’re into doesn’t feel the same, it would suck even more to invest real time and energy into someone who’s not on the same page and will never be able to offer you what you deserve. Take a deep breath and walk away. You’ll be happy that you did.

Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia