Being single can seriously suck after a while, but don’t let it get you down — there are actually some serious perks that come with being single if you just take a minute to focus on the positive. Here are 10 things you should revel in while you’re still single:
Pregaming to Céline Dion. Even if you do land a man who’s perfect for you, he’s not going to want to drink and get ready to “The Essential Céline Dion.” (Side note: IF you don’t have this album, you need it.) He might pretend it’s cool at first, but as soon as you reach a “safe” point in the relationship, he’ll nix the power ballad pregame. So next time you’re getting ready and thinking, “God, I’m so f*cking single,” spare your mascara, crank “The Power Of Love,” and bask in the joy only Céline can bring.
Watching “BEST Funniest Pets Compilations” for hours on YouTube. If you think guys enjoy watching hours of cats unrolling toilet paper rolls or dogs making gremlin sounds, you need to stop lying to yourself. Sadly, clicking one funny pet compilation after another until literally hours have passed is just not going to appear “normal” to your future boyfriend. Silver lining: If you’re single long enough, you might be able to get through all the compilations. Go! Godspeed!
Having your bed be just your bed (and your dog’s/cat’s). The best thing about being single is that you don’t have to share your bed with anyone except your cuddly fur babies. No tugging for blankets. No shoving for space. Just dive right into the center of your bed and live that bed burrito life. Live it up. PLEASE. Do it for all the women out there who are in relationships and hanging off the edge of their beds, shivering.
Doing yoga in your underwear. In theory (and in movies, on TV, and in magazines), doing yoga in your underwear is sexy, especially when you’re doing Downward Dog. But what about those other poses — you know, the ones that make you shift your focus from the miracle of your existence in the Universe to the number of rolls between your tits and your bits? Do you really want him seeing you contorting and bending in all sorts of ways in just your skivvies? No. Which means once you bring a guy into the picture, your yoga-in-your-undies days are over, so enjoy it while you can.
Golden Girls. If you scream and cancel all your plans when LOGO, TV Land, or the Hallmark channel runs hours of Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia, A) You’re not alone B) Enjoy it while you can. When you’re single, this isn’t even a guilty pleasure — it’s just 100% unbridled joy. But once you bring a guy home with you, it’s unlikely he’ll want to sit around with the Girls for hours on end (or even the span of a single episode).
Masturbating when you want, as much as you want. For some reason, at least to me, it still feels a bit more taboo for women to masturbate on the regular, while men yank it out like Marvel movies without judgment. Women are expected to have lower sex drives and more self-control, so enjoy the frequency of your masturbation sessions while you’re still single. Your guy might think it’s kind of hot at first, but at some point, he’s going to think there’s something wrong with you.
Going to bed before 9 p.m. Partying and making sure you keep it 100 in case you’re spotted by your dream man is exhausting. Plus, cuddling with your dog in bed is better than 90% of the things you could be doing. Which is why, YES, you sometimes go to bed before nine. Okay, maybe you do it kind of a lot. Well, soak it up. When you kiss your single self goodbye, go ahead and kiss your “go to bed whenever TF you want” self goodbye, too. If you do that with your boyfriend, he’ll think you’re a regular Sophia Petrillo.
Not shaving your legs if you don’t feel like it. Be real for a minute: During the winter, you only shave your legs when you think a gentleman might perchance graze them later that evening. You’re single so you can shave (or not shave) your legs whenever you want. Enjoy it! Once a boyfriend enters the picture, you’ll no longer have the luxury of thinking of shaving as an option. After all, heavy petting is supposed to be hot, not a description of your boyfriend running his hand down your leg. Unless he’s into that sort of thing — if so, put that razor down and carry on.
Wearing the same thing two (three, four) days in a row. If you didn’t leave the house yesterday but you looked better than Kim K in your jet black high-waisteds and baby pink crop tank, remember, you’re single. No one saw you (unless you took a selfie), so you can rock the same thing again today without judgment. Hell. Yes.
Eating like a pig without receiving side eye. Literally, the definition of nachos is: a dish of tortilla chips topped with melted cheese and often also other savory toppings. SAVORY TOPPINGS + CHEESE. How can you possibly be expected to control yourself? Well, if you’re single, you aren’t expected to and you don’t have to. You can eat the whole goddamn tray and the only one who’s going to judge you is your dog, and he’s just pissed you didn’t share. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, expects you to be a lady with some self-control, goddamnit. No thanks.
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