Broken hearts can be hard to heal, and some hurts heal slower than others. Most breakups don’t leave either party totally happy. You both just have to go your separate ways and know that it will get better — it just takes time. But when a breakup leaves you totally heartbroken and your ex seems to be doing fine, it doesn’t take long to realize that it’s literally the worst.
You want them to be happy… you just wanted it to be with you. When things were good between you, they were great, and if you had it your way, they would have lasted forever. If you’re heartbroken, like it or not, you might still be in love with your ex. Loving someone means that you always want them to have what makes them happiest — it just freaking sucks when you stop being part of that equation.
This wouldn’t hurt so bad if they were hurting too. Maybe it’s just that misery loves company — or maybe it’s that you feel like you’re mourning for two. You deserve the right to lament the loss of your partner, but when they’re living it up and loving the single life, you realize you’re hurting for the both of you — and it starts to feel like they’re not doing their fair share.
It’d be nice if they could at least pretend they’re sad about it. A lot of aspects of being broken up just involve doing what you have to in order to save face — so you get that it’s in your ex’s best interests to appear totally fine. But when you’re oh-so-obviously not handling things as well, the least they could do is pretend they’re a little hurt by losing you, right?
You feel like everyone must feel sorry for you. And to be fair, you’re kind of feeling sorry for yourself. When you’re hurting and they’re fine, it feels like the whole world can see that your ex meant everything to you — and you meant nothing to them.
It’s hard to let go when you realize they weren’t holding on to begin with. Your love has always been something you’ve fought tooth-and-nail for, and you always expect your partners to do the same. But when your ex is already long gone and thoroughly moved on, it hits you: the only reason they were able to pull such a quick cut-and-run was because they let go a long time ago.
You start to wonder if they ever even cared at all. While you were pouring all your hopes and dreams and love and energy into what you had together, it seems like they were already planning their exit strategy. You start to ask yourself, at what point did they stop caring about what you had — and did they even care to begin with?
It feels like you must have done something wrong. If your ex would just have the decency to act like losing you actually meant something, maybe things would be different — but instead, you’re the only one feeling the loss. Even though you know it takes two to tango, and you were dancing your little heart out just to make them happy, you start to convince yourself that maybe you just weren’t good enough, or that this is somehow all your fault.
You secretly hope that they’re secretly miserable. Being hurt by someone you love can turn even the sweetest girls a little bitter — and while you don’t want to give your ex the satisfaction of knowing how badly they hurt you, you can’t help but feel a little salty toward them anyway. Fantasizing about how secretly miserable they are can be just about the only thing that makes you feel better for a while.
Watching your ex move on feels like a knife to the back. When they’re moving on and you’re still clinging to the past, seeing your ex developing something with someone new can still feel a lot like being cheated on. The betrayal feels real, even it technically isn’t. Your ex is entirely within their rights to move on… you just wish they’d slow down and wait for you to catch up.
You know it’ll get better with time… you just don’t want to wait. Time might heal all wounds, but you’d thank the universe kindly if it could speed the hell up about it. Even when we shouldn’t, we judge how appropriate our emotions are by how others are handling things — and mending a broken heart can seem like it’s taking an actual eternity when your ex didn’t even need so much as a band-aid for theirs. You know that this too will pass — but until that time comes, there’s nothing to do but hurry up and wait.
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