We’ve all done it – been so totally smitten with the new guy in our lives that all we want to do is make out 24/7 and ignore all our other commitments. Soon we’re texting him all the time, which is probably the 2015 equivalent of writing your name with his last name in your math class notebook. While there’s nothing more fun and exciting than starting a new romance, there’s a lot to be said for slowing things down and letting them develop naturally instead of being in such a rush. Here are 10 reasons to go slow.
Getting carried away might blind you to some glaring red flags. Let’s face it: our hormones often make the decision for us about who we should be with. But what if, besides physical attraction, you don’t actually have anything in common with your new guy? Can you actually have a conversation? Is he motivated or at least employed? If you’re in the market for a real relationship, these things matter.
Going too fast could mean you’re headed for a crash-and-burn situation. We can all relate to all those Taylor Swift songs about super intense short relationships. You’ve most likely had the experience of dating a guy for a month or two, being really into him, and then one day your feelings have just evaporated and it’s like kissing your brother. Go slow this time and avoid the dreaded almost-relationship.
You can spare your feelings. Unfortunately, in today’s hook-up culture, just because we’re dating someone it doesn’t mean we’re headed for a serious commitment. You might be waiting to call someone your boyfriend without knowing they have zero interest in that label. If you take things slow, you can take care of yourself and not get your hopes up.
If it’s real, there’s no rush. This goes for sleeping together, putting a label on it – any aspect of a new romance. The right guy will wait for you and go at your pace. After all, you know that sex is not the most significant aspect of any partnership. Chances are, if you spend several months with someone and you’re already acting like you’re in a relationship, then the “What Are We?” talk will just be stating what’s obvious to both of you.
It’s nice to really know someone before calling him your boyfriend. It’s tempting to want to change your status on Facebook before you even know your new guy’s parents’ names, but that status will be so much more meaningful if we wait until we have a true sense of who this person is.
You can wait before introducing him to your people. Of course your family and BFFs will be dying to meet the new guy that has made you so happy. And they should. But there’s something to be said for waiting until you truly know how you feel before adding other people into the mix. There will be time to meet the parents and to bring him to the social functions you’re invited to. Right now, it’s still early, so feel free to stay in your love bubble.
You might find out he’s not The One sooner rather than later. What sucks more – learning that this guy is definitely not right for you when you’re two months in, or after six months of coupled-up bliss? Well, they both suck, of course, but the latter might hurt just a little bit more because there’s all this expectation and more time spent.
Every milestone won’t feel overwhelming. All the firsts of a new relationship – the first kiss, the first “I love you”, the first meeting of each set of parents – can seem scary even when you’re super sure about the person. But if you go slowly and let everything unfold naturally, you won’t find it scary at all. Each step will feel like it’s simply happening as it’s supposed to.
You might change your mind. Sometimes we’re more excited about the idea of someone than of who that person actually is. Without a super intense hook-up, you might realize you want to spend more time being single or that you don’t see this going anywhere. Doing it earlier will make the break-up less awkward.
You don’t want to change your routine. That weekly coffee date with your college roomie, the once-a-month drinks with your BFFs – don’t give it all up too quickly. If your new guy turns out not to bet he one, you’ll regret having given up on the good things in your life that keep you connected to the people that matter to you. And if it does work out, then you didn’t ditch your friends for a guy, either. It’s a win-win.
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