If You’re Worried You Slept With Him Too Soon, Consider These Things

When you’re in those thrilling (yet terrifying) first stages of a relationship, it’s natural to tend to overanalyze every little thing you do and wonder if the way you sneeze is going to completely turn him off. So when you take the step of sleeping with someone new, it’s no surprise that you might be wondering if you did it too soon and if it’ll be enough to ruin the good thing you have going. But before having a panic attack just because you had some adult fun, just remember this:

  1. There’s no proper timeline for this stuff. Last I checked, there was no rule book dictating how soon you should or shouldn’t sleep with someone. As such, you’re not doing anything wrong by sleeping with a guy on the first date or by waiting until you get married. You and the dude you’re hooking up with are the only two people who have any right to decide when is the “right” time to get it on with each other.
  2. If you wanted it, it wasn’t too soon. If you weren’t all about it or just did it because he begged and pleaded enough, then okay, maybe it was a little too soon. But if both of you actually wanted to sleep together, then this WAS the right time to do it. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, and if you did it because you wanted to enjoy it, you win.
  3. A good man won’t think less of you just because you slept with him early on. When you’re sitting on the couch with your future husband watching your granddogs play together, he’s not going to turn to you and say, “I’m really upset that we slept together a week after we started dating.” A good guy knows that you’re way more than just a way to reach orgasm, and he’s going to treat you like the gem you are.
  4. A lousy man isn’t worth fretting over if you slept with him early on. If he breaks up with you the day after you hook up because he got what he wanted, it’s totally fine if it hurts a little (or a lot). But once the emotional wound scabs over, don’t let yourself dwell on how “easy” you might have come across just because you slept with him before you had him figured out. If anything, try to be happy knowing that you saved yourself a major headache by getting it over with so soon.
  5. He was a part of it too. If you “messed up” by cutting right to the chase, then so did he. Don’t beat yourself up for going all the way with someone when he was the other half of the equation. I can almost guarantee he’s not kicking himself over this, so if he seems chill about everything, then it’s safe to say that you can be as well.
  6. You don’t have to be ashamed of getting naked with someone. Your body is the bomb-diggity, and this guy is lucky to have been able to experience it in its full glory. Who cares if you didn’t know him as well as you’d like to or you wanted to make sure he was the real deal before going that far? Sleeping with someone at any point in time isn’t something anyone should be ashamed of, including you.
  7. This is far from the worst thing you could do “too soon.” There are people who get married after knowing each other for, like, two months. There are people who start talking about having babies together on the first date. There are people who drink milk right out of the carton before checking the expiration date just because someone said, “I think it’s still good.” My point is, there are a lot of terrible decisions you could make “too soon,” but having sex isn’t one of them.
  8. If he dumps you for this, you dodged a serious bullet. I’ve had a few guys experience a sudden “change of heart” after we hooked up. Each and every one of them has turned out to be a drama factory, constantly getting in and out of relationships and generally confirming my theory that maybe they weren’t a good choice in the first place. No man who leaves you over something like this is worth worrying over, so if you sleep with him early on, consider it the jerk tax you had to pay to see his true colors as soon as possible.
  9. You don’t lose your self-respect just because you slept with someone. If you want to be filled with regret because you over-tweezed your eyebrows in 9th grade, that’s fine. If you hate yourself a little because you ate so much pizza that you now have no room for ice cream, I get it. But please please PLEASE don’t let your self-esteem fly out the window over the fact that you hooked up with someone, no matter how early on it happened. Your sex life doesn’t determine your worth, and you should never convince yourself otherwise.
  10. It’s just sex. I know society likes to place a lot of importance on things like virginity and your Number, but in reality, none of that actually matters. However long you want to wait to have sex with someone if completely up to you, and the timing doesn’t make you a better or worse person. If you want to sleep with someone and he’s down, too, just be safe and have fun without worrying about whether or not you’re doing it at just the right time.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.