While some women prefer guys to make the first move when it comes to dating, I’m not one of them. I don’t need a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet and I certainly don’t need a man to initiate a romance between us. In fact, I’d prefer he didn’t — I like making taking charge in love.
I’m not after some pseudo-macho man. I don’t need a guy to save me from my singledom. That’s a completely BS notion and I’m happy with my life just the way it is. While it’s great that a guy might be interested enough in me to let me know, I’m certainly not waiting around for him to do so if he’s already caught my eye.
I’m not some prize a guy gets to win. One of the things that really pisses me off about a guy making the first move is the way it feels. Having a guy chase me makes me feel like I’m a prize to be won in his eyes. It’s as if he says the right words and does the right things, he gets to have me. Nope. I hate that.
Expecting a guy to make the first move is sexist. I don’t want to get into the whole ‘reverse sexism’ argument — I’m really not here for that. Still, expecting men to exclusively make the first move is sexist. There’s no other word for it. If we want to escape gender roles, we have to stop playing into them. The rule should be, man or woman, if you like someone, speak up about it.
Putting that much pressure on a man is unfair. Some guys might love making the first move, but you can’t assume that every man is into it. I happen to like making the first move myself, so why would I put extra pressure on the guy for no reason?
What does that say about the relationship? Forcing a man to take on a traditional role spells out trouble from the very start. What next? Will I be donning an apron and cooking him a pie while he figuratively brings home the bacon? If that’s what we both wanted, cool, but it’s not something we have any obligation to do.
If I want something (or someone), I go get it. I don’t want to brag (okay, I do), but when I want something, I’m pretty single-minded about it. I will absolutely pursue a guy if I’m into him. Of course, if he makes it clear that he’s out, I’ll also back off because I know how to take a hint and don’t want to embarrass either of us. Generally speaking, though, chasing the things I want in life comes naturally — why should men be any different?
Decent relationships are a two-way street. It takes time, love, and respect from both sides to make a relationship work and thrive. If a relationship is 50/50, why shouldn’t actually starting it be the same? It’s not a competition and there’s no set way things have to go, but the onus shouldn’t be on guys to show interest.
Putting myself out there is scary but also liberating. Don’t get me wrong — putting myself out there isn’t easy. It’s scary because there’s always a possibility of being rejected, but taking a chance on love feels amazing because it takes courage. I’d never want to rob myself of that feeling.
I actually find taking control empowering. When you face that fear and actually take control from the start, it’s a feeling like no other. It’s thrilling and empowering. It’s sticking a massive middle finger up to old school traditions and to the way things once were. It’s seeing something you want in life and having the guts to ask for it. And, frankly, it’s incredily empowering.
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