When you hear that someone is “obsessed” with you, there’s a list of pros and cons that likely goes through your head. There’s a level of obsessed that’s in the realm of “this guy can’t stop thinking about you,” and another that’s “he’s waiting outside your home, and you might want to hide.” Hopefully, your most recent crush is in the former category. Here’s how you can tell (along with some signs that maybe this guy is just way too intense.)
- He’s very curious about your schedule. A casual guy will just text you the night he’s free, in hopes that you also don’t have plans. A guy who’s obsessed with you wants to know what your work schedule is like, so that he can plan dates around it. This can be a little intimidating if the crush or relationship is new. If you’re feeling a little suffocated — but think this guy has potential — just tell him that you really like him yet feel best scheduling one hangout per week based on your workload and social calendar.
- Every date seems to be well thought out. It’s not just dinner and a movie. It’s a movie, then a dinner tailored to the theme of that movie, and then dessert somewhere else. This guy really wants to make outings special for you. It’s very sweet and determined, but let him know if you’d prefer him not to put in so much effort. Eventually, he might burn out if every date needs to have an element of magic to it. There’s nothing wrong with Netflix and pizza sometimes.
- He’s gone so far to Instagram-follow your siblings. This is sweet, but also slightly scary — especially if he follows them before actually meeting them. You might want to tell him to back off a little, as it’s a bold move. But if you genuinely feel like his intentions are good, it’s possible he just got so excited over dating you that he wanted to know as much as he could.
- He really listens to your suggestions. If you’ve told him to check out Lizzo and he comes back with a full analysis of Cuz I Love You, he’s extremely invested in the possibility of a relationship. Not many guys would put that much time into getting to know a girl they didn’t have a big crush on. It’s great if he can form his own opinions on the stuff you like and have a full conversation. It gets a little weird if he just agrees with all of your opinions since he thinks it’ll win you over. It’s not cool to date a clone of yourself.
- He gets red-faced or giggly whenever he sees you. Remember that feeling from high school when your biggest crush walked into the room and made eye contact with you? It’s rare to get those types of feelings when you’re an adult, but it can still happen. You might still meet someone who literally takes your breath away. Look at the physical signs when you’re together to see if this guy is infatuated. Hopefully, unlike in high school, he’ll be able to actually start up a conversation with you without getting too nervous.
- You’ve noticed his friends checking you out more. If all of his friends seem interested, it’s safe to believe he’s chatted you up. If these friends of his are decent, none of them will put any moves on you. But, they may ask you some questions to make sure you’re a suitable match for their buddy. Guys don’t talk about girls as much as girls talk about guys, so that’s how you’ll know he’s serious about this.
- He remembers really strange facts about you. If you’ve only talked to him a couple of times in passing, yet he seems to remember every sentence? Yep. He’s obsessed. Whatever you talked about wasn’t small talk to him. He remembered the details and will use them to spark up more conversation.
- He can’t stop texting you. This type of behavior can be cute until it becomes a little spooky. When you start up a relationship, it’s common to text a bunch about absolutely everything. But the second he bombards you with unanswered messages — or worse, asks you why you’re not responding to each one — then it gets a little complicated. At this stage, you don’t owe any guy your time, or an explanation of what you were doing instead.
- He’s already talked about the future. In general, women are more likely to have timelines than men — and that’s because if biological children are in the plans, there’s a set window in which that’ll all become less complicated. However, it’s normal for guys to have a vision as to where things go. If this guy seems to have plans down to the month and year, he’s become obsessed with you. Again, it’s up to you to figure out whether this is an endearing trait or a total turnoff.