10 Reasons “Vanilla” Sex Is Better Than Kinky Sex

When it comes to sex, sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to be wild and adventurous in the bedroom. Trying out the most outlandish positions that you’d need to be in Cirque du Soleil to accomplish might sound like fun to some people, but for others, plain old vanilla sex is just fine. While I’d never yuck someone’s yum, here’s why I (and many other people) prefer sticking to the tried and true methods of getting off rather than going too far out of our comfort zone.

What is vanilla sex?

Urban Dictionary defines “vanilla” as a “word used to describe someone with little inclination to do anything spontaneous or exciting, either sexually or in everyday life.” A bit harsh, don’t you think? Implying that someone who enjoys their creature comforts and is content with the status quo as somehow less than is a bit unfair.

Vanilla sex, therefore, implies that it’s somehow inferior to sex that’s kinky or a bit more out there. In other words, if it doesn’t include BDSM, humiliation, golden showers, or other more extreme sex acts, it can’t possibly be good. Of course, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why I prefer vanilla sex over kinky sex

couple kissing in morning bediStock/Goran13
Affectionate young couple relaxing in bed and having a romantic moment
  1. It actually feels good. As fun as kinky sex can be, it can be hard to get a whole lot of the physical sensations that have given sex its reputation for feeling so good. When all you want is something that’ll make your nerve endings happy, you’ll have a much easier time getting what you need from vanilla sex rather than the kinky stuff.
  2. It doesn’t require acrobatics. Trying out wild positions and experimenting with new ways to use toys and gear has the potential to be super hot, but sometimes, focusing on contorting your body (or helping your partner contort theirs) can turn something pleasurable into a pain in the ass — maybe literally. Vanilla sex lets you try out unconventional sex positions without making things more difficult than they need to be.
  3. It’s great for building a connection. Kinky sex can help you and your partner become closer as well, but a lot of the sex people often knock as being “plain” is actually great for strengthening the bond between partners. For example, missionary sex might have a reputation for being “basic”, but being able to feel your partner’s skin on yours is super hot, and it’s perfect for being able to enjoy each other until the moment’s over.
  4. It’s reliable. There are times when you and your partner might feel up to trying something new and weird and times when you just want a quickie, and that’s when vanilla sex comes in clutch. You know the right position to get into to hit the right spot, you can have an orgasm in no time, and then get on with your day. It’s familiar but effective, and sometimes that’s all you want.
  5. You can focus on enjoying yourself. I’m all for being adventurous, but kinky sex is a lot more stressful than vanilla sex. You’re worried about how you look, if you’re doing it right, and if your partner is enjoying it. You can never fully be in the moment because you’re in your own head so much. When you stick with the basics, you can relax and breathe a bit.
  6. There’s less of a chance of something going wrong. We’ve all read horror stories about painful and embarrassing accidents that have resorted from a couple’s attempt at kinky sex. Objects stuck in orifices they really shouldn’t be, broken penises, and more are all commonplace. I don’t know about you, but not fracturing bones or pulling muscles is a definite must-have for me during sex.
  7. It’s straightforward. Yes, kinky sex can be hot and adventurous, but it can also be unnecessarily complex. Some of the moves and positions it requires are mind-boggling and nearly impossible for anyone that’s not a yoga master. Vanilla sex, on the other hand, is much more comfortable and easy to comprehend. No need to bend into pretzel shapes or try to get at impossible angles. What you see is what you get, and I like it that way.
  8. It’s as quick as you need it to be. You can’t really have a quickie with kinky sex the same way you can when it’s vanilla. Sometimes there’s not a lot of free time in the day for a multi-hour lovemaking session. You want to get in, get the deed done, and get out. Standard sex — missionary position, doggy style, reverse cowgirl, etc. — can be enjoyed quickly. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
  9. It’s (generally) enjoyable for both people. Kinky sex is often something couples try because one person has a curiosity or fetish that they want to indulge. While yes, sexual experimentation can really spice up a relationship and strengthen your bond, it’s not always for both people’s benefit. However, more vanilla sex is usually pleasurable for both people involved. You know what you and the other person likes and you know how to make it happen. In a solid relationship, you’re pretty much guaranteed an orgasm.
  10. It doesn’t have to be boring. Vanilla sex gets a bad rap for being boring, uninspired, and unadventurous, but that’s really not true. There are tons of non-kinky things you can try in the bedroom that are exciting and that feel f**king amazing. You can still think outside the box and be willing to try new things even if those things aren’t super extreme. Communication, trust, and a bit of effort go a long way into making even the most basic of sex acts hot as hell. Great sex really is that simple.
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Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia