Do you want to take things to the next level but you’re not sure if the guy you’re dating is on the same page? Do you even know the signs? Guys who want to pump the breaks on your burgeoning relationship instead of locking things down tend to do so using some pretty specific behaviors—here are a few to watch out for.
He rarely sleeps over after sex anymore. If the guy you’re with stops sleeping over after sex, he’s totally pumping the breaks on your connection. He knows that you want more but he’s not prepared to give it, so he starts to leave super late after hanging out with you even though it’s easier to just stay the night. He also probably knows that sleeping over after sex suggests that you’re together in an exclusive manner, so he’s stopped doing it because he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression.
You never go on proper dates. If you’re not going out on real dates in public places where people might see you together, chances are you’re not heading to the next level. He doesn’t do formal dates because doing so would suggest that you’re a full-blown couple. He likes the limited moments of intimacy that you do share in your bed, though, which is why he keeps coming back for more.
He says he likes things exactly as they are. If your guy has been going out of his way to let you know how much he enjoys your current situation, he’s probably not looking to take it into full-blown relationship territory. He might sense that you want to put a label on things so he’s dropping hints and addressing the issue without saying it directly.
He gets weird whenever you try to bring up future plans. Guys like this would rather deal with your relationship day by day instead of looking ahead and making plans. If he gets fidgety, flighty, and non-committal when you try to make future plans with him it’s because, like I said, he wants to keep things the way they are—lowkey, casual, yet intimate.
You don’t see him as much as you used to. Does it seem like he’s pulling away from you? Is he hitting you up less to hang but when you do hang out everything seems like normal? That’s because he’s intentionally putting space between you two because he knows you’re catching greater feelings and might be expecting that you all to take your relationship to the next level. He’s trying to strike a balance between being able to see you because he likes spending time with you and making it clear that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. It’s annoying, to say the least.
His life is in transition and he doesn’t really know what will happen with you. Is your guy about the change jobs or go to grad school? Is he moving within a few months or anticipating something that will change his life? If this is happening and he hasn’t mentioned what will happen to your situation when all is said and done, he’s probably not looking for it to move forward anyway.
It’s been several months and you’ve never met his friends. And you never will as long as he’s trying to draw lines. Introducing you to his inner circle is a really huge step and adds some realness to a relationship. If some time has passed and you don’t know his people, it’s probably because you’re not going to be his girlfriend anytime soon.
He never invites you to work functions or happy hours. Similarly, if the guy you’re involved with doesn’t tell you about work functions, doesn’t invite you, or tells you about the event after the fact, he’s definitely trying to draw the lines. His colleagues might not even know you exist and he may want to keep it that way. Plus, introducing you as someone special in his life creates the presumption that you’re something serious, and we all know how nosy work friends and colleagues are. Leaving you out of his work life is another way for him to control your situation.
He knows you’re getting impatient with the pace of your relationship but deflects hard. Although I totally believe women to be the more intuitive gender, I refuse to believe that men are somehow completely clueless about when they’re being a-holes in relationships. A guy knows when you’re trying to muster up the courage to have the “what are we?” convo after a mind-blowing romp in the sheets. You know how they know? They quickly deflect and divert the conversation or they just flee before you’re able to bring it up. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Your text flow is way off. Situationships thrive via texting communication and for many of us, the back and forth banter is fun, exciting, and keeps up the anticipation of what could happen. But if he’s been recently texting you a lot in spurts— like you hear from him a lot over the course of an hour and then he ghosts you for the rest of the day—then he’s definitely trying to create boundaries. On the one hand, he enjoys your banter, your connection and the intimacy you share; on the other hand, he wants to keep things as they are so he gets super flaky and weird because he doesn’t know how to own up to his true feelings. How irritating!
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