Compatibility looks different to everyone and operates on separate levels. While it’s hard to define what constitutes romantic chemistry across the board, these 10 things tend to happen to the couples who share it. Do you have it?
- You laugh at the same things. Compatible couples have similar senses of humor because they experience life in a similar way. What someone finds funny gives you a glimpse into what kinds of humor they use to release stress and how they understand the world. For example, if you don’t think that “yo-mama so fat” jokes are funny but your dude does, you should think twice about your compatibility. If those jokes are funny to him, does he have a bias against fat people? Does he think it is okay to blow off steam by making fun of people? These are things to consider.
- You still enjoy your favorite solo activities together. Think about the things that you love doing alone. If you’re compatible with a guy, the activities that you enjoy doing alone will feel just as good or even better when you’re with a guy—in fact, they’re almost better. I don’t mean that all of your interests and activities must completely align to be compatible, but compatible couples tend to have some overlapping shared interests that they can enjoy together.
- Your connection deepens when you have sex. This is an obvious yet important one. Compatible couples take their emotional and sexual connections to new levels every time they have sex. Keep in mind that it’s totally possible to have a sexual connection and not be compatible with a guy. The difference is that couples with a sexual connection only lack pretty much everything else on this list. The truly compatible couples have enhanced sexual and emotional capacity because they connect in other ways.
- Your conflict management styles are complementary. Notice that I don’t mean the same. In fact, people whose conflict management styles are the same might be incompatible— i.e. two people that are both passive aggressive or conflict-averse. Alternatively, compatible couples will have styles that work well in tandem. For example, my boyfriend hates confrontation so he never brings things up. His conflict management style is to take a step back and let things simmer down. I also hate confrontation but I dislike tension much more so I’m much more direct with him when conflict arises. If both of us were direct, I’m not sure we would work as well.
- Your values resonate with each other. Compatible couples share core values. Core values are like guiding life principles, your ethics and lifestyle themes. They guide what you believe in and how you believe people should behave in the world. A compatible couple will understand and support each other’s values and as a result, they’ll gel nicely with each other. If you’re not sure if you and your guys share core values, ask him about his philosophy on cheating in relationships or his stance on marriage. You’ll definitely find out.
- You don’t have to try that hard because you’re not reaching. They say when you know, you know. Compatible couples effortlessly mesh well because they just understand each other. You’ll have a comfortable flow. It doesn’t mean you won’t hit roadblocks in your relationship but it does mean that it shouldn’t ever feel forced or like more effort than it’s worth. You’ll have what it takes to lay a solid foundation.
- Your friends think you’re a fun couple to hang out with. If you want to know whether you’re compatible, pay attention to how your friends respond to you guys when you’re together in a group. A compatible couple is super fun to hang out with because you have a good energy between the two of you. You’re the opposite of the couple that fights all the time and brings everyone in the group down whenever you’re together because it’s not clear if you even like each other. If you’re compatible, you’ll hear your friends talk about how they love you guys together or how well you complement each other.
- You get along with each other’s friends. Do your close friends like your boyfriend? Do his friends like you? If, theoretically speaking, you could hang out with each other’s friends without each other and have a good time then you’re probably compatible because in many respects, our friends are extensions of ourselves.
- You’re in sync with each other. You know you’re compatible with a guy when you start doing things at the same time. For example, my boyfriend and I text or call each other at the exact same time sometimes or, as gross as this sounds, we might finish each other’s sentences. When you achieve a level of synchronicity with someone, these types of things will start to happen!
- You fall in love fast. If you are compatible with someone, you fall really fast. Now, notice I didn’t say hard. Sometimes I think falling in love hard happens when things are one-sided because one person is putting so much more effort into the connection than the other. When there’s true compatibility between two people, falling in love is quickly on the horizon. It happens fast and it feels really natural as it should!
