10 Traits Of Women Who Don’t Need Any External Validation

10 Traits Of Women Who Don’t Need Any External Validation iStock

It’s human nature to want to be validated, liked, and accepted. But if you’re basing your entire worth and identity on what other people think about you? Then you’ve gone too far. Centering your life and choices around other people’s opinions is so tiring and keeps from being true to yourself. If you want to stop relying on outside sources to determine your value, here are 10 traits of women who don’t need external validation.

1. They’re Authentic.

When you’re trying to impress others, it’s common to lose a bit of yourself along the way. You want to say the right things, and be accepted, and liked. But that’s not the case for women who need no external validation. Those women know that not hiding parts of who they are is key. They know what they bring to the table and they’re confident other people will see it, too. They’re also aware enough to know that if someone doesn’t like their authenticity it has more to do with the other person than it does with them.

2. They Know “No” Is A Complete Sentence.

Women who require external validation often fall into the category of people-pleasers. People pleasers don’t really like the word “no,” and they’ll go to great lengths to not have to say it. On the off chance that they do say “no?” They’ll over-explain their decision as a way to justify it in hopes the other person will either agree with them or understand why they did it. But women who don’t need external validation? They have no problem saying no and leaving it at that.

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4. They Engage In Positive Self-Talk.

People who speak to themselves in a negative manner will often try to get their validation from external sources. But women who are self-assured know that at the end of the day, the most important person who can give them approval and encouragement is themselves. That’s why they talk to themselves kindly and have empathy and grace for where they’re at.

5. They’re Not Affected By Peer Pressure.

Women who don’t need external validation are very good at knowing (and sticking to) what they want. That means they won’t go along with the crowd just to be liked, they won’t make decisions based on other’s opinions, and they won’t engage in activities they’re not interested in. They are fully aware of the things that will fulfill them and they make sure they stick to them.

6. They Wear Whatever They Want.

Have you ever thrown on a pair of jean shorts and thought to yourself, “Am I too old to be wearing something this length?” If you have, you’re like a lot of us. And if you haven’t? Then there’s a high chance you’re a woman who doesn’t need external validation. Because here’s the truth: no matter what society says about what we can or can’t be, empowered women don’t need to dress for others to feel comfortable, they dress in order to make themselves feel comfortable.

7. They Know Their Worth.

You know that inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough? Women who don’t need external validation have told that voice to shut up and sit down because they are confident in who they are and their capabilities. They know that they don’t need to achieve a certain status or impress a certain someone in order to be valued. They know that they are valuable, worthy, and whole just as they are and they deserve to take up space (and a big one, at that) in this world.

8. They Accept And Embrace Their Flaws.

It’s human to mess up, say the wrong thing, or make not-so-great decisions. Self-assured women know this and therefore don’t beat themselves up when it comes to not being perfect. Because they know the truth: no one is perfect. And trying to be is a losing game. So, they accept all that they are and are not, have the courage to see these imperfections as what makes them unique, and practice self-compassion when things go awry.

9. They Stand Up for Themselves.

Self-assured women don’t worry about being liked by others, which is why they know how to advocate for themselves. They know that they have the right to express their own opinions, set and uphold boundaries, or walk away if a situation is not serving them. They know that their time is too valuable to waste on getting walked all over.

10. They March To The Beat of Their Own Drums.

Women who don’t rely on outside validation know that they deserve to live their lives exactly as they want to without worry or fear of being judged. Sometimes, that leads to unconventional choices—but they give themselves unlimited permission to follow their happiness and don’t apologize for doing so.

11. They Don’t Second-Guess Themselves.

Getting advice from the people you love when you have to make a big decision is natural. But women who don’t rely on external validation know not to let other people’s influence overshadow their own desires. That’s because they’ve already done the hard work and they know the answer—they’ve given themselves everything they need to move forward with confidence that they’ve put their best interests first.


Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia