10 Ways Strong, Smart Women Intimidate Men Without Even Trying

Guys say they like smart women, but when push comes to shove, a lot of them actually feel pretty intimidated by us. Because of this, we often have rocky dating lives and we end up wondering why being so awesome isn’t enough to find a great guy. As intelligent women, most of us have experienced some or all of these dating situations, most likely more than once:

  1. We make guys feel like we can see right through them. Smart women can smell BS from miles away. We’re not easily impressed when a guy shows off or tries to overplay his life achievements. Without even saying it out loud to him, he gets the message that we’re not buying any of it. Many guys hate that because it makes them feel like they’re not in control, and it also spoils the chase that many of them enjoy so much.
  2. We want more than the bare minimum and we expect them to work for our attention. When a guy realizes that we’re bright, engaging, and intellectually curious, he often feels like we must looking for something much better than him and that he doesn’t stack up. That’s ridiculous, of course — we’re just looking for a decent guy who’s kind, inquisitive, and puts in some effort to win us over instead of expecting the bare minimum to do the trick.
  3. We have ambitions and dream big, which is a dealbreaker for some men. Smart women want to have a full and diverse life. We’ll never be truly happy being housewives or stay-at-home moms with nothing else going on in our lives. We have a lot of imagination and we’re usually looking for unique and unconventional things in life. Some guys are intimidated by this because it shows a free-spirited nature that can’t be easily subdued.
  4. We can appear cold and distant because we’re not really into small talk. It’s sometimes difficult for us to make small talk while on a date with someone because we just don’t know how to appear light and casual, or we don’t care to pretend we’re something or someone we’re not. If a guy is looking for the girl next door (and believe us, many guys fall in love with that), he won’t be able to appreciate us.
  5. We get bored faster. Because our brains are always working in high gear, we can sometimes come off as high maintenance. We need diversity and mental stimulation to stay engaged with a date/in a relationship, and that’s not always something every guy can provide. Moreover, a lot of guys want a girlfriend who doesn’t require lots of work on an emotional level. That’s not us, sorry.
  6. We can take care of ourselves and we make it known. We don’t come across as fragile or vulnerable, even though deep down we might be on some levels. Our family and friends usually rely on us for our strength and independence and that’s what we’re used to. Even though guys might admire those same qualities in us, it can also intimidate many of them at times. Just because we’re smart enough to take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t need love in our lives.
  7. We’re ridiculously funny with great senses of humor. Being with a really funny woman can be intimidating for a guy. We can crack him up, but we also need more than fart jokes or cheap gags to make us laugh. Some guys don’t like that because it makes them feel like they’re not in control. Plus, many of them can’t handle being the least funny person in the relationship. Oops.
  8. We’re complex and not easy to figure out. We can go from sweet and sexy to kickass combat mode in a heartbeat, and when this happens, some guys don’t know what hit them. As soon a dude thinks he has figured us out, we show him a completely new side which makes him feel confused and powerless. He’d probably rather date someone more predictable and conventional, so he doesn’t look hopeless all the time.
  9. We need a guy who can use his brain, not just a hot body for sex. He might be sexy and great in bed, but at the end of the day, this will never be enough to make things work between us. We need to know that we can have an intelligent conversation with him from time to time and that he actually gets what we’re talking about.
  10. We need emotional intelligence. A guy that neglects our emotional needs, talks in a demeaning way about women, or refuses to open up will never be relationship material for us. We need someone with emotional intelligence, and this scares off guys who aren’t good with expressing their feelings. If he really wants to have a shot with us, he needs to leave his macho personality at the door.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.