It’s amazing how many people seem to think single women must be completely clueless when it comes to dating. I get that you think you’re helping, but frankly, hearing the same old tired advice again and again just gets on our nerves. Maybe I don’t want someone right now. Did you ever think about that? Maybe the last guy was such as royal douchebag that I don’t feel like trying again right now. And listen – just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you know more. Let me worry about my love life and I won’t point out everything that’s wrong with your supposed fairy tale. We’re tired of hearing it.
You just need to try a little harder.
Wait, I actually have to try? Okay, let me just put on the shortest skirt I can find and go stand on a street corner. Think that’ll work? I’ll either meet someone on my terms or I won’t. Simple as that.
You’re beautiful. I just don’t understand why you’re single.
Yes, because guys only want me for my looks. Let me just get all dolled up and be paraded at the next ball. I’m sure my stunning beauty will have every guy asking for my hand in marriage.
You’re better off without him.
This might very well be true, but we all know what you really mean: how did you screw up another relationship? Yes, I am better off without him. Now get off my case about finding yet another guy.
I’ve got the perfect guy for you.
No, you don’t. Just stop right there. I’m not interested in your second cousin’s best friend’s little brother’s friend. I’m sure he’s great – for someone else. I’ll ask you if I want you to set me up. Otherwise, focus on your own life.
Aren’t you lonely?
Actually, no. I’m not defined by my relationship status. I still have a job, friends and family. Though if you keep asking stupid questions like this, I might have one less friend. Believe it or not, I’m probably around more people than you are now.
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Really? I bet you have no idea how annoying that comment is, either. Do you know how much fun I had last night ordering a pizza, eating the whole thing and not having to give a damn what my boyfriend thought? Nope, I’m not missing anything.
Have you tried meeting guys?
I never thought to that. I guess I actually have to leave my house and attempt conversation with the opposite sex. Yes, I have tried meeting guys. That’s why I’ve dated people in the past. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m a hermit.
Don’t you want to have a baby?
I don’t actually have to have a guy to have a kid. Besides, did you ever think I might not even want kids? How about you go deal with your own heathens and not wish the same torture on me.
You should lower your standards.
Do you even know what my standards are? Besides, why is it such a crime to know what I want? You’re not really much of a friend if you think I need to just settle for the first thing with a penis. I’ll decide what guy’s right for me, thank you very much.
I feel so sorry for you.
Why? Honestly, I don’t understand. I’m happy. I have a great life. I’m sure there’s someone out there who will make me even happier, but my happiness isn’t dependent on meeting “The One”. I’m the one who feels sorry that you can’t understand that.
Maybe you should dress up a little more.
Maybe I’ll just go get a little plastic surgery, too. Thanks for telling me I look like crap. I really appreciate it. This is my style. If you don’t like it, tough. If he doesn’t like it, he can go find himself a Barbie doll.
I wish I was still single.
You’re the same person who was giving me advice on why I need to date. Now you want to be single like me? Make up your mind already.
I was already married at your age.
First of all, thanks for calling me old. I’m glad you met someone and it all worked out. I never knew there was a set age for me to settle down and have a family. I’ll get around to marriage when I’m good and ready.
There are plenty of great guys out there.
Okay, let me just go have a nice big orgy with all those nice guys. I thought the idea was to find one. A great guy doesn’t equal the right guy. There are plenty of great women out there too. Did you ever think about that?
Why are you single?
Why is this important to you? I don’t know. It just kind of happened that way? Does that answer get you off my back already?
If you pray about it, you’ll find someone.
Prayer isn’t like having your own personal genie. I pray for world peace, but it doesn’t mean all wars magically stop. I’m praying you’ll quit giving me advice, but I see that hasn’t happened yet.
Maybe you should try a few more dating sites.
Yes, because I have so much time to spend on 15 different dating sites that probably have all the same people. Why don’t I just put myself up on an auction block and hope for the best? Believe it or not, I do have better things to do than live on my computer, hoping mister right sends me a message.
I bet you’re saving so much money.
What? I guess you only spend money if you’re with someone. I mean honestly, single women have absolutely no bills. Umm… I do have to pay for a place to live, a car to drive and of course, food. No, I’m not buying gifts for my guy, but I have all the other finances to take care of.
Maybe you’ve already met the one.
So you want me to go back through all my exes and see if they want me back? No thanks. Those relationships ended for a reason. I think I’ll just go out and find someone new. Thanks for the crappy advice though.
So how do you deal with all this great advice? Roll your advice, give them the look and walk away.
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