Some days—even some hours—I’m little-kid excited about the potentials of dating. You can find me swooning over my latest crush, dreaming of the future. Then, some days—or hours— later, I’m fuming, dissatisfied, and feeling totally destroyed. Perhaps I’m angry at one person in particular. At any given time, I can either be wildly excited or completely jaded. It just depends on where I’m at and you know what? I think this ambivalence doesn’t at all make me crazy or unusual.
Ambivalence is pretty normal.
As humans, it’s not uncommon to be all over the map about what we want. I’m no different. As Charles D*ckens wrote, “What am I doing? Tearing myself. My usual occupation at most times.” Here he was talking about indecision and ambivalence, carrying the attitude that it just is what it is. I’m a human with a wide range of emotional experiences. I’m going to have days where my view on love completely clashes with how I felt the day prior.
Having a range of feelings is healthy.
Not only is it normal to have a variety of emotional experiences, it’s also super healthy. If I was only happy all of the time when it came to dating, there’d be something seriously wrong. On the other hand, it’d be sad if I was only upset or completely indifferent about the whole experience. The bigger the range of feelings, the healthier my emotional self.
My feelings towards dating can depend on my mood.
As I’ve been saying, it’s not like I’m always consistent about how I feel when it comes to the grand old sport of courting. Although it’s sometimes circumstantial, whether I feel jaded or hopeful can also be entirely dependent on my mood. Find me on a grumpy day and I’ll tell you I’ve abandoned all hope that I’ll ever meet a lover. Catch me on a day when the sun is shining in my life and I’ll declare with a smile that my future baby is just right around the corner.
It’s okay to get my hopes up.
When I meet someone who makes my eyes widen and my body tingle, I know I’m in for a rollercoaster ride of hopefulness. Nine times out of ten, getting my hopes up doesn’t lead anywhere. Guess what? It’s still totally fine that I get excited, anyway. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic, searching for love all over the place. I can handle the rush and inevitable crash that comes with hoping for companionship.
Sometimes Hollywood can get me
dreamin’.All it takes is watching a show on Netflix with an enchanting couple and I’m off in la-la land thinking about where I could meet a new flame. Movies and TV shows really tout these amazing couples that seem to have found utopia. My logical mind knows that this is all for show, but that overly romantic heart of mine pines for a lover who’d fight dragons to be with me.
It’s also okay to be jaded
af. As much as I’m like a puppy sometimes when it comes to love and dating, I can also be a curmudgeon. I’ve had enough experiences of getting my heart smashed to bits that sometimes I’ve just had enough. This is all fine. There’s nothing wrong with rolling my weary eyes when the next person asks me out. Especially if this new person is coming on the heels of a recent breakup; I’m entitled to some huffing and puffing.
There’s tons of disappointment in dating.
If you’re not on the same page with me about the fluctuation between feelings about dating, you may think I’m crazy. In reality, though, dating is full of let downs. Even if you find someone totally worth your time, there’s often a hell of a path on the way there. I’m saying there’s disappointment in dating to validate that it makes so much sense to inevitably sway back to feelings of being jaded. How could I not?
Dating is hard.
Let’s be honest, no one has a breeze of an experience with dating 100% of the time. Even if you find your soulmate right away, being in relation to others is friggin’ difficult. It makes total sense that my thoughts about love are swinging back and forth like a pendulum on any given day. Most of the time, dating is compiled of a whole lot of frustration and challenge.
My friends remind me that I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow.
Thank god for my friends. What would I do without them? Well, I’d probably be trapped in the dungeon of despair and desire that is my mind. Those pals of mine do a great job reaching into my overthinking head and pulling me into reality. They mutter the simple words, “You’re going to feel differently tomorrow,” and I’m reminded of the truth. Because they’re right. I may not feel better tomorrow, but I’ll certainly feel differently.
One person can change everything.
Call me that hopeless romantic, but I do believe that at the end of the day, it only takes one person to change everything. Honestly, relationships fail with every single person until they work out with one. I can bounce around like a pinball in my love life, but I do have faith that one day I’ll land with the right person. It may just be for a few years, or it may be for the rest of my life.
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