10 Ways Your Past Toxic Relationships Will Help You Find A Healthy One

Whether it’s random dudes sliding into your DMs with some unwanted junk pictures or finally finding someone you think could be the one for you only to learn he’s been cheating on you with three different women, it’s easy to get disheartened about dating. It’s obviously not a walk in the park to find a partner but there are many reasons making mistakes in love can ultimately lead you to find the person of your dreams.

  1. You understand your needs in a relationship better. When an ex (or several exes) have disappointed and hurt you over and over again, you start to realize what really matters to you. Whether it be someone you can depend on to be there for you during your anxiety attacks or someone with a stable income, you know what you really need in a relationship and are more able to pinpoint what will make you happy.
  2. You look for a partnership instead of a fling. You may start to realize that the flaky, toxic dudes you’ve been dating are no longer making you happy. To really fill that void in your life, you may need to find true partner; someone who will be your equal and will support you through thick and thin. Flings can be fun but when it comes down to dependability they’re usually nowhere to be found.
  3. You see the red flags in potential mates faster. You know the qualities you dislike in potential partners because you’ve been building your list for years. The more mistakes dudes make, the more refined your red flag list becomes. For example, if he only texts you in the middle of the night, you’re able to recognize that he probably only wants sex and not something more. If he hides his phone from you and won’t ever let you see it, you can usually correctly assume that he’s up to something shady. When you start to see these traits coming out, you know it’s time to be cautionary or move on.
  4. You don’t waste time playing games. You understand how valuable your time is and don’t want to waste it on someone who doesn’t deserve it. If he’s going to wait days to text you back because he’s trying play hard to get, girl, ain’t nobody got time for that. A guy may have wasted your time in the past but you’ve learned from your mistakes.
  5. You’ve learned how to be less co-dependent. When you were younger, it may have seemed like finding a boyfriend was your number one priority. Now that you’re a little older and wiser (and have seen entirely too many unsolicited junk pictures) you realize that your happiness really only depends on you. You’re ten times more likely to find someone when you’re not looking for anything, anyway.
  6. You’re able to look past superficial tendencies. Certain qualities that you would usually look for in a potential mate like looks or taste in music and movies may not matter to you as much anymore; you’d rather have someone who treats you with kindness and respect than someone who can quote all your favorite Twin Peaks episodes but has a secret Okcupid account to mack on other girls behind your back.
  7. You’re strong enough now to not make the same mistakes over and over again. You may have let an ex hurt your feelings in the past and kept it bottled up inside but not anymore. You stand up for what you want and more than likely, you’ll find a like-minded person who wants the same things as you.
  8. You’re able to pick someone who possesses qualities that you actually admire vs. someone you can just tolerate. You can Netflix and Chill with just about anybody if you’re both down to earth but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should waste years of your life together. Does he do things that make you proud? Does he have traits that you actually admire? Does he teach you things? Now that you know what you’re looking for the search for Mr. Right may be a little bit easier.
  9. You won’t settle for less than you deserve. You realize how blind love (or some childish idea of love) has really made you in the past. You know how much of a catch you are now and you won’t settle until you’ve found the one.
  10. You know yourself better and can establish a stable role and identity in a relationship. In previous relationships you may have bended to your beau’s interests solely because you wanted to spend time with him (i.e. – spending hours mindlessly scrolling through phone while he plays video games or practices an instrument.) Now you understand that you can have separate interests and you don’t have to spend every waking moment by his side. You know that it’s important to have your own life and interests and that me-time is crucial in any lasting relationship.