11 Eye Roll-Worthy Texts Guys Send That Drive Women Crazy

11 Eye Roll-Worthy Texts Guys Send That Drive Women Crazy ©iStock/PeopleImages

Since the dawn of texting, guys have been making a mess of things. I’m not saying that women have mastered the art of texting, because honestly, who has? What I am saying is that the majority of men could really use a texting etiquette class ― if only to re-teach them how to spell out full words.

But of all the annoying, cringe-inducing texts guys send, there are those that are truly worthy of epic eye rolls. We’re talking about texts that cause the type of eye roll that feels like your eyes are going to pop out of your skull, because OMFG, really? Here are 11 such texts.

  1. “U up?” There is so much wrong with this text. First of all, we have the “U” situation, which, in my humble opinion, is so painful that I’m twitching from just having typed it. Secondly, any text questioning whether or not you’re awake is probably coming in somewhere between midnight and 4AM and is, without a doubt, a drunken dude looking to get laid. Ugh.
  2. “I’m bored.” I’m not sure why guys send this, but they do. It’s as if they want you to either come up with a brilliant way for them to spice up their life or, and this is just a thought, initiate the sexy times because they’re too shy/awkward/scared to do so themselves.
  3. “_________ LOL.” Oh, it’s the dude who ends every sentence with “LOL!” Why?! How does “How are U LOL?” make any sense at all? How is that funny? That’s not funny; in fact, very few things in life are “laugh out loud” funny.
  4. “Send me a pic!” This one tends to follow a text you have sent regarding your hair or something you’re wearing, and he’s hoping that asking for a picture will lead to something tantalizing and delicious, like say, your magnificent boobs or ass. Well played, sir! But the likelihood of him deserving it is probably nil to zero, so don’t fall for that. While you should definitely respond, because it’s rude not to, you should send him a photo of something else interesting  like your dog’s poop right before you pick it up to throw it out. Or a pile of dirty laundry, or that blank space on your wall  really, your options are endless.
  5. “Ha.” I’ve never understood the motive behind “ha.” While “haha,” makes sense, as does “ha ha,” the word “ha” all alone seems pretty cold. He’s acknowledging you, but not engaging, as you try to figure out if you should leave him alone or continue to try to get this text convo started.
  6. “Yep.” Actually, “yep” is just a variation on “ha,” in that it signifies that he’s read your text, but that’s it. Of course this also, just like “ha,” leads to obsessive speculation and analysis.
  7. *Penis pic* I love penises just as much as the next straight woman, but I do not, under any circumstances, want a penis photo sent to me. What am I supposed to do with it? Masturbate to a tiny penis photo on my phone? If men think that’s what it takes to get a woman off, they’re so wrong and obscenely confused.
  8. “Are you free right now?” What makes this text so annoying is that he’s probably sending it at a time when he knows you’re not free. Honestly, the point of this text is to “keep his hand,” as they say, without totally committing to hanging out with you.
  9. “CUL8R.” I realize that having majored in English I’m a bit more picky when it comes to texting etiquette, but really? I mean, REALLY!?
  10. “K.” Seriously? You can’t even put in the effort to write, “OK?” I mean, how many extra milliseconds is that going to take out of your life, the life in which you’ve already admitted you’re bored?
  11. *Silence* Unless he’s at a funeral, you know his phone is right there, so he’s choosing not to text back. Silence is probably the most annoying text/non-text of all, because you know there’s something deliberate about it.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.