11 Signs You And Your Partner Need Couples Therapy

It might seem scary to face the prospect of couples therapy, but it can really help you if your relationship has ended up in a ditch and you’re not sure why or how to get out of it. Here are 11 signs that you and your partner should book a session or two.

  1. You fight about the same things. He doesn’t respect you. You don’t listen. He left the toilet seat up AGAIN. If you’re always fighting about the same old topics and irritations, it might be good to chat with a professional who can uncover what’s really going on. Hint: it’s not always about the toilet seat.
  2. You can’t resolve issues. You might fight a lot about certain issues but feel like you never resolve them. This can make you feel like you’re always hitting your head against the wall and can lead to a large amount of relationship dissatisfaction because things get swept under the carpet but stay in your head.
  3. You feel angry or resentful. This could be as a result of unresolved issues that are piling up like dirty laundry, or it could be that you’re feeling those heavy emotions for other reasons, like not being able to express yourself. It can help to get an objective opinion on what’s going on and how to deal.
  4. You don’t know how to communicate. Maybe your partner hates how you always storm out the door when you’re involved in a fight, or you can’t seem to get a word in during an argument because he or she is always interrupting you. While that can be sorted out by talking to each other about how your communication is misfiring, it’s not cool if you can’t even talk about how you can’t talk! Argh. You don’t need to feel that way, so a therapist can help you to engage in healthier communication.
  5. You don’t communicate much. While communicating in unhealthy ways is toxic, what’s even worse is not communicating much, or at all! Maybe you and your partner are silent most of the time when you’re together or you just feel like you’re put off from talking.
  6. You both want different things. Maybe your life goals are in sync but your relationship goals aren’t. That’s where a professional can come in to help you find common ground. If they can’t, it may be that the relationship isn’t meant to be.
  7. You don’t know what else to do to fix your relationship. You’ve tried everything under the sun and in the book to try to feel good about your relationship or get along better with your partner, but nothing seems to work. It’s so frustrating. Therapy could help you find solutions you hadn’t yet considered.
  8. You’re thinking about having an affair. If you’re having thoughts of having an affair with someone else, this is a huge red flag that there’s something serious going on in your relationship and you need to reel in the pros. Do it now because cheating will only make things much, much worse.
  9. You’re about to go through a huge change. Maybe your partner is heading overseas so you’re going to have to make a long-distance relationship work. Maybe you’re preparing to move in together. If a huge change is looming on the horizon, it might be a good thing to chat to a therapist about how you can both deal with the changes. This doesn’t have to mean that you’re not looking forward to the change if it’s a positive one, but therapy can help to reduce your anxiety over it.
  10. You don’t feel you can be yourself.  If you can’t express what you think and feel, or if you just don’t feel like yourself around your partner, that’s a huge sign you might need to head to a couples counselor. There could be things preventing you from being your authentic self, whether within you or your relationship, and that’s something you need to deal with, not just so that you can make your relationship work but so that you can be your best self.
  11. You need confirmation that the relationship’s done. Sometimes a relationship just can’t be saved. In this way, it might be good to consult with a professional to find out if that’s really the case. You might discover that it’s best to break up before you bring yourself any further heartache.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.