Being in a relationship that only you know about might feel mysterious and fun at first, but soon you’ll want the guy you’re dating to be open about the fact that you’re with him. If he’s doing these 11 things, he’s keeping you a secret and it’s not because he finds this sort of thing exciting. It’s because he’s just not into you.
He invites you to his place all the time.
Instead of coming around to see you at your place, he’s always quick to suggest that you visit him instead. What’s up with that? Although you might think this scenario is better than if he kept you away from his house and that it’s a sign he wants more than just a hookup, it can actually be just as much of a red flag that he’s keeping you a secret. It’s like he doesn’t feel safe to venture out to your neck of the woods. Maybe he’s afraid that he’ll bump into one of your friends if he comes to visit you.
He has excuses for why he doesn’t want to be Facebook official.
If you’ve been dating for a while and you’re friends on social media, you might think a good next step would be to list yourselves as “in a relationship” on Facebook. The problem? Your partner keeps making excuses for why he doesn’t want to make such an online declaration, such as that he’s never on the site (even though he is), he likes to keep his social media as private as possible, and so on.
His friends don’t know who you are.
Not only hasn’t he invited you to hang out with his friends, but he never mentions that they know who you are. It’s like he’s keeping his social world completely separate from you.
He never asks you out on a public date.
It’s always a case of, “Hey, let’s hang out at my place tonight.” Even if he makes the dates romantic by cooking your favorite dinner, he never wants to venture out into the world. When you suggest having a romantic dinner at a cool new restaurant that’s opened up in town, he says he’d prefer to stay home. Hmm. It’s like he wants to keep you stashed away.
He keeps a physical distance when you’re out together.
If you do happen to go somewhere together, he never holds your hand or hugs you. In fact, he might even keep a real distance from you when walking somewhere together! It’s like he’s hoping to make it look like you’re just friends if it happens that someone he knows sees you. Ugh.
He acts differently around people he knows.
So, he finally invites you out with his friends. Progress! But then you notice how differently he behaves when you’re around other people. He doesn’t look your way, he introduces you by name, he looks anxious and worried. What gives? He’s clearly not comfortable being with you in front of others, which is a huge red flag.
He expects you to run to him when he’s available.
He might have loads of reasons for why he can’t get together this weekend, but then when he wants to see you, he expects you to hightail it to him immediately. It’s always a last-minute thing, as though he can’t plan ahead for dates because he doesn’t want you to bump into anything or anyone else on his schedule.
He says he wants to take things really slow.
Don’t get me wrong: a guy who wants to take the relationship slowly is probably the guy you need in your life so you don’t feel like he’s rushing you. But, it’s a totally different story if he’s taking things so slowly that your relationship is barely moving forward. He could be doing this because he doesn’t want things to get too serious as that would make your relationship less of a secret. He’s stalling for as long as he can.
He has to sneak away to spend time with you.
It might seem romantic when the guy you’re dating tells you that he can’t handle not seeing you, so he’s going to sneak away from his hectic schedule or his boys’ night out so that he can spend some stolen minutes with you. But he shouldn’t have to resort to such measures if he’s being open and honest about his relationship. Besides, you deserve more than just a few stolen minutes!
He says you’re “testing the waters.”
When you suggest meeting his folks or spending time at someplace other than his apartment for the fifth time in a row, he might say that you’re still testing the waters of your relationship. In other words, he’s not fully confident with jumping into the relationship and being open about it. Shady! You’re not his experiment. You’re his girlfriend. He’d better start acting like it.
He tells others he’s single.
When he spends time with you, do other people know that he’s with you? If his mate phones, asking where he is, and he tells him some sh*tty excuse when he’s actually on a date with you, such as that he’s busy at work, the guy’s definitely keeping you a secret. He might act like this is NBD, but come on. Instead of being an honest guy, he’s being totally shady.
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