You’re a grown woman and you want to be in a relationship with a grown man who’s mature enough to open up and get close. The last thing you need is a partner you have to parent, to teach, or to simply put up with because he’s not on your level. Here’s how you know you’re dating an emotionally unavailable guy so that you can shut things down and move on to someone who can be your equal.
He’s closed off from you.
He’s totally fun when you’re having light conversations, but the minute the conversation steers towards deeper topics, the guy seems to shut down. It’s like he can’t have a serious chat to save his life and it’s really weird.
You feel like you have to become a psychologist.
There’s nothing more frustrating than one-word texts when you ask him something serious. Ugh. Are you feeling drained from having to try to get him to tell you stuff? That’s no fun. You’re not his psychologist, you’re his girlfriend (or at least you’re trying to be).
He’s not comfortable with your feelings.
It’s one thing for him to be holding back a bit when it comes to his feelings, especially if you haven’t known each other for a long time, but it’s another thing if he can’t deal with your emotions just because he’s not comfortable with his own. Be wary of the guy who calls you “too incentive” or “too dramatic” because he might just be trying to make your feelings invalid.
He speaks in code.
Yeah, his mysterious nature was one of the things you loved about him when you first met each other, but now it could be biting you in the you-know-what because he might speak in weird, contradictory sentences and never give you a straight answer. He does this to prevent getting into emotional chats.
He’s addicted to keeping things casual.
If he’s always keen on leaving things as they are because you’re having fun, that’s a red flag. He might be resisting making a commitment because he doesn’t want to have to deal with heavy feelings. He’s the guy who loves the honeymoon phase a little too much and never wants it to end.
He’d rather be physical.
Whenever you try to have a conversation with him about something serious or emotional, he’ll always try to steer things into the bedroom. Ugh. He’s clearly keen to keep things fun and light, but it’s weighing you down.
He’s putting physical distance between you.
While he might want to be sexual, a guy who’s emotionally unavailable is probably going to start putting some distance between you too, especially if you’re always trying to get him to open up. So, he won’t answer your texts or calls and he’s known to go AWOL regularly.
He’s the king of mixed messages.
A guy who’s emotionally unavailable isn’t going to be clear and consistent with his words and actions. He’s probably going to be dishing you mixed messages because he’s keeping you hanging.
He avoids fighting.
It’s great to be dating a guy who loves peace, but if he shies away from arguments all the time, then nothing can be resolved so that you guys can grow as a couple. A guy who’s going to walk away from arguments is not only zoning out of your feelings but he doesn’t want to invest emotionally into the relationship.
He becomes sarcastic.
A guy who’s emotionally unavailable might resort to sarcasm as his defense mechanism. Yup, it’s irritating. This is because he doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable, but it can cause huge problems between you because it’s like he’s zapping you away with a sarcastic comment every time you try to get closer.
He drops you.
Linked to an earlier point about how emotionally unavailable guys will give you mixed messages is this nasty behaviour: they will drop you at the last minute because something else came along. They’re all over the place and don’t commit to anything and they have no problem with letting your feelings get hurt. No way!
He lets you do the relationship work.
You’re the one trying to reach out to him and get him to open up. You’re the one pushing the relationship uphill so that it can actually go somewhere. What’s he doing in all this? If he’s resting on his butt and letting you do all the work, then that’s not a relationship. You’ve got enough chores.
He never shows you his bad days.
A guy who doesn’t want to emotionally invest in a relationship with you is going to hide when his raw, real feelings show. That means, you won’t see him when he’s hurt/angry/depressed. He’ll go AWOL because he doesn’t want to get too real with you. Basically, you’re dating someone you don’t even really have the chance to know on a deep level.
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