13 Things I’d Like To Tell The Woman Who Screwed My Husband

13 Things I’d Like To Tell The Woman Who Screwed My Husband ©iStock/Gabriel Bostan

When I found out my husband cheated, I was devastated. When I found out she was 27 years younger than him and 13 years younger than me, I was appalled. When she decided to send me a poem that she wrote about me and how I was destroying my husband’s life, along with how much I was standing in the way of she being with him, I puked — not just because OMFG, but because it was a crappy ass poem.

While I’ve shared some of my “feelings” with her, as one does after receiving a poem, of all things, there’s still much more I’d like to say to the girl who screwed my husband and is currently living with him.

  1. “You make me sick.” Because we’re being honest here, I should just get this one out of the way. Yes, you make me sick, but you probably already knew that.
  2. “You were obviously raised wrong.” Having been raised a feminist, I was taught that you don’t just run around married men or men in relationships. Truth be told, I’ve slept with two married men, but only because I didn’t know they were married because they lied about their marital status. When I found out, it was over. Why? Because I wasn’t raised wrong.
  3. “You’re a selfish brat.” Only a selfish person, unaware of life and love, would walk into a bar and throw themselves at a married man, with compliments and lies just to get what they want. It’s like me in a pizza restaurant — but it doesn’t make it right. And this is coming from a selfish brat.
  4. “This is no way to treat another woman.” Like, at all! What happened to bonds of sisterhood?! In a world where women are still treated like second class citizens in some countries, you don’t go out and have sex with another woman’s husband! You just don’t! It’s fundamentally, morally, and ethically wrong!
  5. “You’re not entitled to something just because you want it.” As you tried to so eloquently display in your crappy ass poem, just because you wanted my husband doesn’t mean that you are entitled to him. You don’t get to kick me out of the picture so you can create your fantasy life with my husband. That’s not how the world works, kid.
  6. “You actually didn’t win yourself a prize.” I get it; I loved him once, too, but he’s no prize. He’s never been a prize and is never going to be a prize. It’s just going to take you a lot longer than me to figure that out, because I’m an adult with life experience and you’re not.
  7. “Karma is a bitch.” You don’t have to believe in karma for it to come around and bite you in the ass. It just happens. Whether you’re all cozied up, feeling safe in your relationship with MY husband and it’s decades down the road with someone else, karma will make its presence known and it’s going to suck. A lot.
  8. “No self-respecting woman would sleep with a married man.” I believe this with every ounce of my being. While I’m not ignorant enough to think that woman (or men) don’t fall in love with married people, I do think that those who act on it are spawns of the devil. They lack self-respect, compassion, awareness of consequences, and the ability to see right from wrong. Personally, that’s not how I want to ever be categorized.
  9. “Your emotional affair with him only makes you even worse.” Now that I know my husband confided in you about the issues within our marriage and that you encouraged him to leave me, that makes you a, well, I will refrain from using the word that I want, but it makes you THAT WORD two times over. And I never use THAT WORD to reference a woman – because I believe in the bonds of sisterhood.
  10. “Mimi dies at the end of ‘La Boheme,’ dirtbag.” Since you seem to think you’re living in the opera “La Boheme,” where you’re Mimi and my husband is Rodolfo, I just want to remind you of a very important fact: Mimi dies of consumption at the end. That’s right; dies. You still want this to be the story of your life?
  11. “You’ll never be anything more than a mistress.” Breaking news, sweetie: My husband can’t afford to divorce me. He doesn’t have the money or the resources. So, from a legal standpoint, you’ll always be just the mistress. I still get to be the wife – not that that’s anything to brag about, but it’s better than being a side piece.
  12. “Repeat after me: Other women are not your competition.” If we, as women (and girls) go through life thinking that other women are our competition, that’s not just messed up, but wrong. I am not your competition; nor are you mine. I don’t want to steal from you, nor should you want to steal from me. I have nothing to prove to you, nor do you have anything to prove to me. It’s when you think that there’s a competition within our gender, that you divide not just you and I, but all of us. To quote Madeline Albright, “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” So, you know, suck on that.
  13. “When you grow the hell up, you’re going to realize how wrong you were.” You’re a kid. You just turned 22. You haven’t gone to university, you haven’t had a real job, and you have yet to experience life. For those reasons alone, I can’t be completely angry. However, as someone who has 13 years on you, when you grow the hell the up, as in become an adult who knows a thing your two about life, you’re going to understand how wrong you were and the pain you caused.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.