14 Things I Set A Guy Straight On Before We Start Dating

14 Things I Set A Guy Straight On Before We Start Dating ©iStock/NKS_Imagery

I’m all about being real with someone from the word “go,: I don’t have time to beat around the bush or date under false pretenses. That’s why I make sure I set the record straight on these 14 issues before I make a guy my boyfriend.

  1. He shouldn’t hold his breath for sex. He might die. Seriously. I don’t stick to a certain number of dates before having sex. I go with the flow and it’s different with different people. I feel ready to sleep with someone when certain things have happened, like when he’s got genuine feelings for me and I know I’m not just convenient to be with right now.
  2. I’m serious. I want a serious relationship. I’m not one for having a carefree relationship where we don’t even give a damn about each other. If a guy’s looking for a booty call or holiday fling, he’s really in the wrong place.
  3. I have standards. I expect certain things from my partner and they’re really not a lot to ask for. I don’t want a guy who does hard drugs, likes to booze it up, is a party animal and hangs out with his ex without me there. These dealbreakers are there to stay and I prefer a guy knowing what I won’t put up with before I get with him so there are no misunderstandings.
  4. I need some space. Don’t text me three times in an hour. Don’t call me when you know I’m busy just to ask what I’m doing. I want a boyfriend, not a child to babysit, FFS. Being with me means that a guy has to respect time for work, my passions, and dreams.
  5. I’m chasing goals. I’ve got big dreams and I’m chasing them down. I can’t be with someone who tries to rain on my parade or holds me back from reaching them. If a guy can’t handle a woman with ambition, then he shouldn’t date me because it won’t end well.
  6. I value those in my life who’ve been there longer than him. I need to see my loved ones regularly and I won’t be ignoring them or putting them on the back-burner, no matter how much I love the guy I’m with. Those people who love me dearly and have my back no matter what will always be important to me. If he can’t respect that, he doesn’t deserve a place amongst them.
  7. I have a “cat mode” function. I have no problem with chilling at home all weekend, doing hardly anything to relax after a busy AF week. I can be like a cat who sits in the sun, daydreaming and spacing out. I don’t want to be rushing to the latest social event every weekend. If a guy needs to be around people all the time or he gets fidgety in the house, it’s not going to work.
  8. I’m not jealous—I want respect. I need to clear up the difference between being a jealous girlfriend and being a girlfriend who demands respect. If I don’t like it when the man I’m with flirts with other women or confides in his ex, that doesn’t mean I’ve got issues like jealousy. It means I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all a disrespectful jerk of a boyfriend.
  9. I’m not last-minute. I like to set this straight: if a guy turns up at my home unannounced to take me out, I’m probably not going to be available. I like setting my dates in advance so that I can fit them into my busy schedule and so that I’m not made to feel like the guy only wants to see me when he’s got nothing else going on.
  10. I want daily contact. It’s not clingy to want a guy to contact me daily. I want someone I can chat to about serious and light stuff, who enjoys talking to me so much and wants me to be a part of his life, even when we’re not in the same place. This is a way to keep our bond strong. I’m not okay with a guy who doesn’t contact me for days at a time. That’s such bullshit.
  11. I won’t put up with sexist behavior. I have extremely low tolerance for any sexist comments. If a guy I’m dating assumes that I need help fixing my phone because I’m a woman or he speaks of how “all women are after men with huge bank accounts,” I won’t turn a blind eye. A guy needs to know that I’m a feminist right from the start and that he should respect women and see them as equals if our relationship is going to work.
  12. I show my love in this way. People show their love in different ways. I show mine by being affectionate and enjoying quality time with my partner. It’s important for the guy I’m dating to know how I express love and what makes me feel loved so that we can be on the same page.
  13. It has to be fair. In previous relationships, I used to give so much of myself until I had nothing left to give. My partners never met me halfway. I won’t put up with that again! If a guy doesn’t support and love me in ways that satisfy me, I’d rather move on than settle. We’ve both got to put in an effort for this to work.
  14. I need to hear him say it. I’m all for watching what a guy does. It shows me that he’s serious about me and loves me. But honestly, I’m the type of woman who needs to hear those words, too. It’s a different kind of intimacy and words like “I love you,” “Thank you,” and “You mean so much to me” matter a lot!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.