14 Warning Signs You’ve Lost Yourself In Your Relationship

Your ideal partner will bring out the very best in you, increase your passion for life, and generally make your world a better place. If this isn’t happening, there’s a problem. Toxic relationships can cost you a lot of time, money, energy, and pain. However, perhaps the most detrimental thing you can lose in a love affair is yourself. Here’s how you know that’s what’s happening.

  1. You give way too much. Is your partner always taking and never offering anything in return? If your partner keeps allowing you to be their own personal chef, maid, and appointment maker without ever showing their appreciation or returning the gesture, chances are you’ve been putting too much into a one-sided affair. It’s one thing for them to say thank you, but if they’re not showing you that everything you do for them is noticed and appreciated, there’s a chance you’re doing too much and losing sight of your own needs.
  2. You’ve lost all interest in your hobbies. If you used to play piano and now it’s just collecting dust in the corner of your office because you have no time outside of your relationship, you’re lost. Good relationships feed into your passions, not drain them.
  3. You’re tired all the time. Taking care of yourself all while owning your career and keeping your house in order can be a draining experience. Throw another person into the mix and that becomes even more tiring. Taking care of the person you love is only exhausting when you’re not able to put some energy into yourself once in a while.
  4. Everything is about making your partner happy. Do you often forget that your happiness matters too? If every single thing you do is an effort to keep your partner satisfied with the relationship, you’re no longer who you’re supposed to be.
  5. You haven’t seen your friends in months. Everyone needs time to unwind with their friends away from their partners. When a relationship begins, it’s normal to see your friends less, but if you never see them, that’s a huge red flag. What happens when your relationship ends? Will they still be there to pick you up?
  6. All your goals have been put on the back burner. Maybe you were an aspiring novelist prior to beginning your relationship or you had a big dream of starting a food blog. Whatever your big dreams were, you can’t seem to find the time or energy to invest in them now because you’re relationship is the epicenter of your life.
  7. You’ve forgotten what it feels like to think for yourself. If you look to your partner for approval on every opinion or ideal you have, you’re no longer yourself. Couples will share some of the same values and opinions, but it’s normal to have your own way of thinking. If you’ve lost that, you’ve lost a part of yourself you need to get back.
  8. Happiness isn’t coming naturally to you. A partner will never be able to make you fully happy, but they should definitely add to the happiness you already feel in your life. If they’re dragging you down into a dark hole you can’t crawl out of, it’s time to rethink whether or not you’re in the right relationship.
  9. Their desires take precedence. Both parties in a relationship have needs and desires. If there’s always come first, though, you end up sacrificing your own. When this happens, you begin to forget about everything you need and want, and in the end, you’ll lose sight of what’s important to you in love.
  10. You don’t indulge in alone time anymore. Alone time is very important. I’ll say it again. Alone time is VITAL. Everyone needs time to themselves to recharge, be gross, watch Netflix—whatever it is that you do when you don’t have anyone else there to keep occupied. If you let go of your alone time, you’ll forget how to enjoy your own company.
  11. Your self-esteem is dwindling. It isn’t your partner’s job to make you feel good about yourself, but it sure is their obligation to make sure that you don’t feel worse about yourself because of them. If you stop putting yourself first on occasion, you’ll start to see yourself in a different light. A dim light.
  12. You miss being single. You might not miss being in the dating scene or fooling around with other people. When you lose yourself in a relationship, you’ll miss being single for the sole fact that you took better care of yourself.
  13. You’ve picked up new and unhealthy behaviors. If your partner is a couch potato when you used to run 5Ks for fun and you find yourself adopting their lazy habits, it’s a solid sign that you’re no longer yourself. It doesn’t matter what unhealthy behaviors you pick up from your relationship—any more than zero is too many.
  14. You’re on autopilot. Is your whole life a run-on sentence of going through the motions? If everything you do is completely routine and you’ve lost any sense of zest for life that you used to have, sorry to say it, but you are no longer in the building.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.