Have you ever sat down and wondered what do the most successful relationships have in common? Believe it or not, it all boils down to compatibility. In other words, you and your partner have several things in common, making you well-suited to each other. That’s not to say you should be 100% alike — that would be boring. But you should relate to them on some level and enjoy being around them. But what factors are most important?
1. Communication
So many relationships fail because of a lack of communication, but it’s so, so, so critical that you learn to do it. Introverts and extroverts often have different ways of getting their messages across, too, which can lead to compatibility issues. It’s essential that you’re not only able to express your hopes, desires, and feelings, to your partner, but also understand and be understood.
2. Physical and Emotional Attraction
Physical attraction is something most people think of as only surface level, and in the beginning, it is. But over time, it grows. For some, they are instantly attracted to their partners. Others develop that attraction after getting to know someone on a more intimate level.
3. Similar Sense of Humor
Laughter is the best medicine, but boy do our sense of humors vary from person to person. Some of us are easygoing, laid-back and laugh at everything, while others have a very dry or sarcastic sense of humor. Differences here can lead to misunderstandings.
4. Life Goals
This is one of those conversations that you need to have very early on. It’s very difficult for someone who has incredible ambition to grow and succeed to find some measure of compatibility with someone who is happy not working, or is content to remain steadfast in a single position for their whole life. Likewise, someone who wants children partnering up with someone who doesn’t will likely lead to conflict. Make sure your life goals align, regardless of what that looks like.
5. Interests
Having some of the same interests is vital. After all, you want to enjoy doing at least a few things together. Couples who have nothing in common may struggle to find ideas for date nights or engage in activities around the home. That’s not to say you can’t enjoy going to the gym while your partner stays home and plays video games, but if you’re always doing different things, you might grow to resent each other’s perceived lack of interest.
6. Trust
Trust is such a cornerstone, especially in today’s dating world. There are so many external factors that can come between a relationship that you need to be able to trust your partner. If you’re always questioning what they’re doing or feel the need to check up on them repeatedly, it’ll likely boil over at some point.
7. Finances
iStock/EmirMemedovskiThis is a big one, and while it’s perfectly okay to keep your finances separate (it’s not the ’50s anymore), you want to know that your spending and saving habits are aligned. Put someone who spends money quicker than they earn it with someone who prefers to put money away for a rainy day, and there will be sparks flying — and not the right kind.
8. Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy can make or break a relationship, especially if you’re incompatible in this area. Along with money, it’s one of the major dealbreakers for many couples. Someone who has a very high libido isn’t likely to do well with someone who is content with just cuddling, and vice versa. It’s important that you both have similar drives and takes on what defines satisfaction.
9. Intelligence
Not everyone has the same degree of intelligence, some people are just smarter than others. However, it’s not about just being smart, it’s how you use that intelligence. Some people wield it as a weapon, while others simply can’t be bothered if someone can’t have a conversation on their level. Not everyone is suited to discuss rocket science, after all, nor should they be expected to. If there’s a vast difference in this area, it could lead to conflict, or boredom.
10. Respect
Having respect for the one you’re sharing your life with should be common sense, but when people have different ideas of what respect means, that’s where the challenge lies. Having respect for someone means maybe you don’t always align in your beliefs, but you agree to disagree. You allow them to have their viewpoints without putting them down. Similarly, being respectful in a moment of conflict, means not attacking their character simply because you’re mad.
11. Emotional Intensity
Emotions can be tricky. We all express how we feel differently, and it boils down to several different factors, including the way we grew up, how comfortable we feel with someone, and the other person’s reception of our feelings. Some people experience intense emotions, and that can be off-putting for someone who is used to bottling things up and is uncomfortable with displays of emotion, regardless of whether it’s love, anger, or sadness.
12. Religion and Spirituality
Religion and spirituality tend to go hand-in-hand, and it’s important to have this element in common, or at the very least respect your partner’s preferences. For example, if you’re a devout Christian who goes to church every Sunday and reads the bible at night before bed, you’re not likely to be happy with an atheist, though it could probably lead to some pretty in-depth conversations. However, often times, the conflict is too great and could lead to resentment over time.
13. Lifestyles
iStock/Martinns
A person’s lifestyle says a lot about them. For example, someone who is athletic is likely to spend a lot of time playing sports or in the gym. People who are intellectually driven often choose others who are as well. That’s not to say both of you have to be the same, but the more you have in common, the more you can do together and the more your relationship will grow. You just connect more intimately.
14. Values
A person’s values — their outlook on life, family, ethics — define who they are. Many people are (rightfully so) unwilling to compromise in this area. Lining up in the way you view the world and where you place specific elements, for example placing family above all else, often leads to greater happiness and satisfaction in your relationship.
15. Politics
It needs to be said. In today’s political climate, there’s a lot of discord, which can lead to arguments and even not speaking to one another. It can also cause two people to break up, especially if they find through political conversations that they simply do not align. Some people are adept at drawing the line, but if your viewpoints vary extremely, it’s only a matter of time before it leads to an argument.
