Choosing to cut a narcissist out of your life is a good move because you’re protecting yourself from any further damage. You’re trying to move on to a healthier chapter of your life (good for you!), but narcissists don’t take being rejected lightly, which means it might not be the last you hear from them. Here are 15 behaviors to watch out for.
1. They lovebomb you.
When you choose to create space from the narcissist in your life, you may notice that they increase their attempts to reel you back in. They might shower you with expensive gifts in a manipulative tactic known as love bombing, leaving you feeling confused about their real intentions. They want to rekindle your interest by pretending to care about you, ultimately hoping to regain control over you.
2. They monitor your online presence.
When rejected, a narcissist will want to track your life so they can know what’s going on with you. This gives them a sense of power. So, they might monitor all your social media accounts and leave “likes” or comments to feel like they’re still a part of your life.
3. They leave you angry messages.
Nothing ruffles a narcissist’s feathers more than someone walking away from them. They have a deep insecurity about being abandoned or rejected. To deal with this, they react with anger and rage. For example, they might call you up so they can scream at you or send you long-winded, angry texts blaming you for everything.
4. They create fake scenarios.
Instead of being angry, a narcissist might fake vulnerability to get your sympathy and attention. They might call you at three in the morning telling you that they’re feeling sick and need your help. Or, they’ll find excuses to ask you questions, like if you happen to have a sweatshirt they can’t find. It’s all a ruse to get you to talk to them again—don’t fall for it.
5. They resist the breakup.
When walking away from a narcissist, you might be surprised to see how they deny the breakup or no-contact rule that you’ve set. They might tell you, “We’re not over until I say we are” or pretend that everything’s still fine, such as by sending you “good morning” texts. Eek!
6. They contact your friends or family members.
If the narcissist you’ve put on silent knew your loved ones, they might turn to them now that you’re not giving them attention. They might ask them about you and if you’re okay, pretending to be concerned about your well-being. You might even hear that they’re hanging out with your friends to get closer to you, which is unnerving.
7. They block you right away.
When giving a narcissist no contact, you might notice that they follow suit immediately. So, when you block them on WhatsApp, they might block you on all social media platforms right away. They do this because they want to show you just how little they care, and will try to make it seem like they’re the one who’s walking away. It’s always a competition for them.
8. They start a new relationship as soon as possible.
Narcissists want to get attention and praise from others. If they’re not getting it from you anymore, they’ll waste no time finding another person who will make them feel special. So, don’t be surprised if you see that they’ve jumped into a new relationship and look like they’re having an amazing time. They might also be trying to make their life seem perfect so you feel bad for letting them go.
9. They start a smear campaign against you.
A smear campaign is when a narcissist takes action to hurt your reputation as a sort of revenge for you breaking contact with them. They might tell people lies about you or spread malicious rumors through your mutual friend circle. This is their way of trying to one-up you and make you regret walking away from them. They’re angry and won’t take your rejection lying down.
10. They give you the silent treatment and make you chase them.
Even if you’ve cut off contact with the narcissist, it’s not always a long-lasting solution, like if you work together or share children. They may leverage this situation to manipulate you to reach out to them when you need something. Even though they seem like they want nothing to do with you, they’re probably secretly longing for your attention. You once served as a source of their narcissistic supply, which boosted their ego and they need it back.
11. They gaslight you.
When you try to regain your power from a narcissist, they could resort to gaslighting you. For example, they might reach out and try to make you doubt your perception of what really happened. They do this to make you feel like you’re acting crazy or being unfair, so you doubt yourself and take them back. To avoid being gaslit, stick to your no-contact rule!
12. They guilt-trip you.
A common tactic narcissists use to get you back into their circle of control is to guilt-trip you into taking them back. So, they might play the victim card to gain your sympathy or leave you tearful voice messages expressing how much they love you. They lay it on thick to make you second-guess yourself.
13. They make false promises.
Narcissists will sell you the world to try to get you back. But, they’re guilty of future-faking—or when someone makes promises they say they’ll fulfill in the future, but that future never comes. If they hit you with “We can plan a future as soon as I get over this rough patch,” or their promises sound too good to be true, that’s a red flag!
14. They try to break your boundaries.
Narcissists don’t respect your boundaries at all. For example, if you block them on social media, they’ll find another way to get in touch, violating your boundary of wanting privacy and space. They might seem like they’re jumping through hoops because they love you, but they just want your attention and validation. So, it’s not really about you!
15. They take a walk down memory lane.
To try to get you back after you’ve enforced a no-contact rule, a narcissist might try to persuade you to like them again with a dose of nostalgia. They’ll show up at your home or place of work and remind you of all the good times. Or, they’ll send you funny memes you used to laugh at together. It’s all a ploy to get you to soften and take them back. If you allow them to get in, even a little, they’ll feel like they’re regaining control of you, so the best thing is to stick to no contact.
