Even if you have a no-gossip policy, you might find yourself right in the middle of the tea. If someone who can’t go a day without getting the juice tries to drag you into a session, you’ve got to protect yourself from the negativity and drama! Here are 15 conversations a gossiper might start with you to get the latest info.
1. They check if you have any interesting news.
A person who wants to gossip might say something like, “Have you heard any interesting news in our social circle lately?” They probably heard a snippet or two about a mutual friend and they want you to confirm or elaborate on it. By keeping the conversation general, they can act innocent about their intentions. So sneaky!
2. They ask if you’ve heard the latest on a specific person.
Instead of fishing for gossip in a general way, they might go right in for the jugular! They’ll say something like, “Have you heard about Tom’s affair?” or “Do you know the latest about Marion’s accident?” While they’re trying to seem concerned for the person, they just want new information about them that they can spread to others.
3. They ask you if you’ve heard from a specific mutual friend.
The person might not really talk about your mutual friends when you’re together, so it’s weird if they’re suddenly asking about them. For example, if your friend says, “Have you heard from Richard at all?” and they haven’t mentioned Richard in six months, that’s a red flag they’re hunting for gossip.
4. They text you to “check in.”
Crawling out of the woodwork is a common gossiping tactic. You haven’t heard from them in weeks or months, then suddenly they’re trying to find out what you’ve been up to. They might get your news and then bounce, not replying when you ask them how they’ve been. That’s a red flag they were just seeking gossip.
5. They tell you they heard something juicy.
To get their gossip juices flowing, they might start a conversation by saying something like, “I was at the supermarket the other day, and I heard something so interesting!” They’re banking on you being curious and asking what it is, so they can start a gossip session.
6. They pretend to want useful information.
If you work together in the same office or have kids in the same school, they might ask if there’s any information they should know about people you both know or places you both frequent. But, this could be a guise to get the gossip flowing. They’re hoping you’re tapped into the grapevine!
7. They reference something on social media.
If the person knows you’re on Meta or IG, they might mention having seen something interesting posted by a mutual friend. They’ll ask you if you’ve seen it, which seems like a benign question, but it can be a clever way to make you interested so you log onto social media right away. From there, the gossip session about that person can begin.
8. They bring excitement to the table.
The person might try to bring some drama into the conversation to get your attention. A common tactic is to say something like, “Oh my gosh, you’ll never guess what just happened!” You might think the person wants to share a personal story, but you’ll soon discover they want to talk about people who aren’t present.
9. They tell you they have to get something off their chest.
If someone you’re chatting to says, “Wait, I have to get something off my chest,” chances are you’ll remain quiet and listen to what they have to say. That’s exactly what they want. They’re using this phrase as a buffer to justify sharing information that they know may be hurtful or inappropriate.
10. They ask leading questions.
You can tell they’re trying to get you to spill the beans about someone else if they keep asking you questions even if you try to change the subject. These tend to be leading questions, like “Have you noticed anything different about Sarah these days?” or “Weren’t you at Pam’s bachelorette party last weekend?”
11. They introduce you to someone and then talk about them behind their back.
A clever way for a person to start gossiping about someone specific is to introduce them to you, like at a party, and then mention something about their private life when they walk away. Ouch! This can put you in an uncomfortable position and make it more challenging to exit the conversation.
12. They act surprised about something they heard.
The person might pretend to be surprised or shocked to have heard something, but this is just a way to intrigue you. So, they might say under their breath, “I can’t believe this…” or “Wow, this is unreal…” They do this in the hope that you’ll ask, “What is it?” Sometimes, the best reaction is no reaction!
13. They pretend to be worried about someone.
If the gossiper wants to exchange gossip about someone, they might pretend to be worried or concerned about them. For example, they might say, “I’ve been so worried about Pamela and what she’s been going through.” They’re hoping that you’ll divulge all the person’s secrets. Nice try.
14. They take the humorous route.
Someone who wants to have a gossip session might try to use humor as a way to break the ice. So, they could say something like, “I almost fell down the stairs and hurt my leg. I would’ve had to call Janet for crutches,” hoping you’ll talk about Janet. Or, they’ll say, “I had to laugh at what Greg said during our business meeting” so that you engage with them about Greg.
15. They praise or compliment the person they want to gossip about.
Instead of coming in with a negative comment about someone, the person looking to gossip might try to use a positive approach so that you don’t suspect them of being toxic. So, they might say something like, “I think it’s so great about Anne’s vacation” just to see what you have to say.
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