You’ve always been taught to fight for what you believe in, but there’s a thin line between persistence and force. The pursuit of love can lead to rom-com-worthy gestures, but in real life, the act of trying to force someone to love you can backfire and lead to hurt feelings and bruised egos. It’s a universally acknowledged (though not always heeded) truth that you can’t force love, but that doesn’t stop people from trying to do exactly that when they’ve got their heart set on someone. If you’ve ever felt the urge to push someone into emotional submission, here’s why you have to fight it.
1. Love Should Be Given Freely.
Love thrives and is most meaningful when it’s given and received as a free choice. When someone tries to force another into loving them, it often leads to an uncomfortable situation where the ‘giver’ feels unfulfilled and the ‘receiver’ feels trapped. Genuine love is self-sustaining and grows without being forced. In a relationship where love is compelled, it can lead to a sense of obligation that replaces genuine affection, and over time, this dynamic can erode both individuals’ sense of joy and authenticity in the relationship.
2. It’s Not True Love If It’s Forced.
The essence of love is that it’s a mutual, spontaneous experience. When someone attempts to force love, what they’re seeking isn’t the true, deep connection that love is supposed to be. They may receive a response that looks like love from the outside, but the foundation of that feeling is shaky. Love that is forced lacks the stability and deep connection of love that is freely given and can often feel hollow.
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4. Trying to Control Someone’s Feelings Is Futile.
You cannot make someone have feelings for you just by wishing it were so. Each person’s emotions are their own, and they have the right to feel them as they come. When you try to control or change someone else’s feelings, you’re attempting an impossible task. This effort is often seen, and it can lead to discomfort and strain in the relationship. People need the space to come to their own emotional conclusions.
5. It Often Leads to Unhappiness.
Pressuring someone into a romantic feeling they don’t naturally hold can lead to discomfort and unhappiness for both parties. The person being pressured might feel guilty or anxious, while the one doing the forcing may sense the lack of genuine feeling and become frustrated or sad. This dynamic creates an overall sense of dissatisfaction within the relationship, often leading to its eventual demise.
6. The Relationship Will Lack Genuine Connection.
A relationship based on forced feelings will lack the genuine connection that makes relationships rewarding. The depth that comes from truly knowing someone and being known – flaws, quirks, and all – is missing. Without a foundation of true emotional connection, the relationship often feels superficial and can lack the warmth and closeness that both partners need to feel secure and valued.
7. Forced Love Can Create Resentment.
When one person in a relationship feels coerced into expressing love, it can breed resentment. Over time, this feeling might fester, as they may perceive themselves to be in an emotional bind. They could start to associate the relationship with a loss of freedom, and instead of love, they may begin to foster feelings of bitterness. Such resentment is harmful to both individuals, causing emotional distress and potentially leading to a breakdown of the relationship.
8. You’ll never be able to trust each other.
Trust is a fundamental element of any strong relationship, and it must be built authentically. When love is forced, trust can’t grow properly because it’s overshadowed by doubt and the constant question of sincerity. A person who is pressured to say “I love you” may not be trusted to mean it, and the person doing the forcing might always wonder if the love they’re receiving is real. This undermines the entire relationship, as trust is the bedrock on which all other aspects rest.
9. It disrespects the other person’s autonomy.
Trying to make someone love you disregards their autonomy and their ability to make decisions about their own feelings. It’s a form of disrespect that suggests their personal choices are less important than your desire to be loved. In a truly loving relationship, both parties should feel free to express their emotions without pressure or influence from the other. Respecting each other’s autonomy ensures that all expressions of love are genuine and self-driven.
9. It Can Lead to an Unbalanced Relationship.
Love should be reciprocal. When one person is pressured into feelings of love, the relationship often becomes unbalanced, with one person investing more emotionally than the other. This imbalance can create a dynamic of dependency, where one person’s needs and feelings overshadow the other’s. A healthy relationship requires a balanced investment from both individuals, where both people’s needs, desires, and feelings are considered and valued.
10. The Emotional Well-Being of Both Parties Can Suffer.
When love is forced, the emotional well-being of both parties is at risk. The person being pressured may feel overwhelmed, anxious, and trapped, leading to stress and unhappiness. The individual doing the forcing may experience feelings of inadequacy and desperation, which can lead to low self-esteem and depression. Forcing love can turn a potentially happy relationship into a source of emotional strain for both individuals involved.
11. It Sets a Poor Foundation for the Future.
Building a relationship on forced emotions can create an unstable foundation for the future. When love is coerced, it’s not just the present that’s affected; it’s every subsequent layer of the relationship that’s built on top of that initial interaction. The expectation that one should continue to perform the act of love, rather than genuinely feeling it, can lead to further emotional dissonance and dishonesty in the relationship. Over time, this dynamic makes it difficult to deal with other, more complex challenges that require a strong, genuine emotional bond as a basis for resolution and support.
12. Personal Growth Is Stifled for Both Parties.
When you’re focused on making someone love you, personal growth takes a backseat. The person exerting the force misses out on opportunities to grow from rejection or unreciprocated feelings, which, while painful, can lead to important self-discoveries and emotional development. The person on the receiving end may become stunted by not fully expressing their true feelings, as they are not engaging in a relationship that is authentic to their own emotional state. Both individuals are deprived of the chance to learn more about themselves and what they truly want in a relationship.
13. It May Lead to a Cycle of Neediness and Clinginess.
Attempting to force someone’s affection can lead to a pattern of neediness and clinginess. This happens when one’s self-worth becomes so intertwined with how the other person feels about them that they continually seek out validation and reassurance in ways that are overwhelming and smothering for their partner. This behavior often pushes the partner away, as it places an undue emotional burden on them to provide happiness and satisfaction that should come from within.
14. You Miss Out on the Right Match for You.
By focusing your energy on trying to force love from someone, you might be missing out on meeting someone who is a natural fit for you. While you’re preoccupied with changing someone’s feelings, you could be passing by opportunities to connect with someone else who is capable of offering the mutual, spontaneous love you seek. This detour can delay you from finding a truly fulfilling relationship where love is given and received freely.
15. The Relationship Lacks Joy.
Love that is given freely is often accompanied by joy, but when love is forced, that joy is markedly absent. Instead of feeling happy and light, the relationship can become a source of stress and obligation for both individuals. The person whose love is forced may perform acts of love out of a sense of duty rather than a place of joy, while the person doing the forcing may sense this lack of joy and feel unsatisfied with the emotional response they’re receiving. True joy in a relationship comes from genuine, reciprocal love that both partners freely provide.
16. It Can Create a Lack of Respect.
Forcing someone to love you can lead to a lack of respect on both sides. On one end, the person who is trying to coerce affection may start to lose respect for their partner, viewing them as an object to be won rather than a person with their own will and desires. On the other end, the person who feels pressured to exhibit feelings they do not genuinely possess may lose respect for their partner because they feel controlled or manipulated. Respect is an essential component of any healthy relationship, and without it, the relationship suffers. Love that grows in a garden devoid of respect is likely to be weak and short-lived.
