Your weekends are always booked up, so you never have time to focus on your goals or just relax and unwind. Sound familiar? If so, you could be over-committing yourself and on a course to crash and burn. Your schedule’s already packed, but you keep piling on the requests. Here are some signs you need to leave some blanks on your calendar moving forward.
1. You agree to things that pull you away from your responsibilities.
While you want to attend hangout sessions with your friends and family get-togethers, if they’re pulling you away from your chores and responsibilities all the time, you’re allowing your full calendar to prevent you from doing what needs to be done. You’re hurting yourself because you’ll have to make up that time in the end, and you’ll be way more stressed about it because you’re so far behind.
2. You feel guilty if you say “no.”
When a friend asks if you’ll attend her party, you tell her you’re looking forward to it when really, you’re too busy. However, you’re doing this because you feel too guilty to say “no.” Maybe you feel like you’re disappointing her or you’re not a good friend, even though neither of those things is true. Take time to explore the guilt so you can see what your real motivations are before you commit to something.
3. Your schedule is full weeks ahead of time.
If you’re a chronic over-committer, you don’t leave any spare time to yourself. You’re always rushing to yet another meeting or event, even if that means feeling exhausted and drained. Try to think about what you need from your spare time to feel good and recharge your energy. You can’t be everything to everyone if you’re not looking after yourself.
4. You don’t enjoy the things you’ve agreed to do.
Maybe you’re saying “yes” to invites and favors, but deep down you’re not feeling good about your choice. If you’re not even enjoying the activities you’re doing in your spare time, what’s the point? Set a rule that you’ll only do things you really want to do — it’s a game-changer.
5. You have to put on a fake smile for people.
Saying “yes” to everything means you have to pretend a lot, so you’ll wear a fake smile on your face when attending get-togethers you don’t want to be at or agreeing to favors. Eventually, this is draining. Unless you’re up for an Oscar, this energy can be better used elsewhere. To help you say “no,” write a list of your priorities and consider where you want your energy to go.
6. You don’t want to be disliked by saying “no.”
One of the reasons why you might avoid saying “no” is because you don’t want people not to like you. As a result, your need for others’ approval is ruling you. When saying “no,” you don’t have to be mean or aggressive. Be kind by offering suggestions for alternative plans at a more convenient time. For example, you could say, “I’d love to come, but I’ve already committed to something else. However, I’d be happy to make plans for next weekend.”
7. You’re afraid of missing out.
Fear of missing out is real and it can cause you to over-commit yourself. You might feel anxious about saying “no” because you don’t want to see all the event photos on your social media and feel like you’re not having as much fun as the people who actually showed up. To deal with anxiety, focus on what you need to be happy, as this is more important.
8. You’re scared to focus on the wrong thing.
Another sign that you’re over-committing yourself is if you want to do lots of things out of fear of not giving your focus to the right stuff. For instance, what if you say no to your sister’s art show but you say yes to a friend’s band’s gig? That’s not fair or right! It’s dizzying! Make sure whatever you’re doing is lining up with what you want out of life. There’s no right or wrong here, so don’t put too much pressure on ourself.
9. You don’t have any alone time.
If you don’t have time to yourself, you’re not processing your thoughts or feelings or getting the self-care you need to nourish your well-being. This isn’t healthy, so it’s worth remembering this when saying “no” to things you don’t want to do. You could tell the other person, “I’m sorry I can’t help, but I really need to spend time looking after myself this weekend.”
10. You don’t stop to reflect before saying “yes.”
When you’re invited to something, you don’t think about what you want before you agree. This shows that you’re addicted to over-committing yourself to plans. The next time someone asks you for something, tell them that you’ll think about it and let them know soon. This buys you some time for self-reflection.
11. You’re afraid of being judged.
You might be a people-pleaser because you’re afraid of what people will think of you because of it. Maybe you’re scared that if you don’t take on extra work you’ll be called “lazy” or if you don’t go to the party you’ll be called “boring.” But, here’s the thing: you’ll be judged by certain people no matter what you do, so it’s best to do what feels comfortable for you.
12. You’re self-sabotaging.
Over-committing yourself could be a way for you to self-sabotage. For example, you don’t have to chase your dreams and risk failure because you’re taking on too many things and don’t have time for your dreams. Sneaky, but you’re not going to get satisfaction from all those events in your calendar. Try to say “no” so you can free up some time for things that give your life meaning.
13. You’re disorganized.
If you’re not keeping track of your to-do list, you might forget about things that you’ve agreed to do. Yikes. This can cause you tons of stress, especially when you miss something important. Start using a daily planner or app on your phone so you’re more organized.
14. You have bad time management.
Another sign that you’re over-committing yourself is if your time management skills are seriously lacking. You might incorrectly judge how long things will take, which makes you run late or try to add too many tasks to your calendar in a day. It’s so impractical! Take a look at your commitments. There are some you might have to cancel, which you can do with grace by sending heartfelt apologies.
15. You’re neglecting your needs or boundaries.
If you’re a chronic over-committer, you’re ignoring your needs and boundaries to accommodate others. So, you might feel anxious or tired all the time. When someone asks you for something, mention that you’re running yourself ragged and won’t be able to help them. Be honest! It’s also good to focus on being direct instead of beating around the bush, as this makes you come across as confident.
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