15 Things That Will Kill Even The Best Relationships

It would be nice to have some guarantee when it comes to the longevity of a relationship, especially after all the work you do to get into one in the first place. Alas, there isn’t, and even the seemingly greatest connections are at risk when they’re not protected and cultivated. Here are some things that will kill even the relationships that started out amazingly well.

1. Denying physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is just a part of healthy romantic relationships for most people, and if two partners disagree on what this means, things can go downhill quickly. That’s not to say that you should always acquiesce to your partner, but using sex as a form of punishment or a tool to get your own way is a major no-no.

2. Lack of general closeness

Besides sex, intimacy includes being emotionally close, physically close, listening, and nurturing that bond all the time. One of the fastest ways to kill a relationship is to let that intimacy fall by the wayside. It won’t be long before you’re living separate lives.

3. Bottling up feelings

It’s often easier in the moment to swallow small grievances, but the resentment that builds and the inevitable explosion later on is harder to get past. Talk about your feelings when they happen to quash minor issues and keep them from becoming major ones.

4. Taking each other for granted

You got him to commit, so now you can back off a bit on the effort, right? Wrong. Same thing goes for the other way around. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, no matter how long they’ve been together. Make this a priority.

5. Being overly selfless.

Yeah, giving and considering the other person’s needs is important and necessary, but so is taking care of oneself. No one wants a partner who loses their identity in a relationship. Being a doormat or overgiving to the point that you neglect yourself will kill your relationship for sure.

6. Being inconsistent

Being all about the relationship one day and acting you could do without the next day will only leave the other person feeling unstable and insecure. Everyone deserves to know where they stand in a relationship. Trying to keep your partner on their toes is immature and cruel. Don’t do it.

7. Skipping dates

If the only time you spend together is on the couch at home, it’s easy to assume the feeling of restlessness is about the relationship when it might just be about the routine. Neglecting romance and failing to prioritize your relationship will kill it in no time flat.

8. Being condescending

Lots of learning takes place in relationships, but not because one person is the teacher in charge. Nothing makes someone feel small like when someone they care about is constantly making them feel silly. Don’t talk to your partner like a child. Definitely don’t talk to them like they’re an idiot.

9. Breaking trust

Of course it’s possible to rebuild trust in the right relationships, but experience it too many times and that vow of honesty starts to mean nil. Cheating, lying, or otherwise making them feel like you’ve betrayed them will have you headed for a breakup quickly.

10. Being selfish in bed

If your sex life is routine and you’re both going at it with the mindset of taking care of yourself, it’s going to build a gap between you. It’s important to prioritize one another’s pleasure. Otherwise, why even bother sleeping together?

11. Refusing to acknowledge each other in public

Healthy couples don’t mind that other people know that they’re a couple. If one person shies away from being open about the relationship, they might not be ready to be in. This will kill your relationship because it’s clear you don’t even want to be in one — at least not with them.

12. Holding grudges

If a conflict is discussed, apologies are made, and everything is back in order, no one should continue to carry around the anger about it. It’s like poison. If it’s over, let it be over. Don’t bring it up again in three months and try to punish them.

13. Being on different pages about life goals

A relationship can seem perfect in the moment, but if neither party is willing to make sacrifices about future plans then undoubtedly different paths will be taken. If you don’t want the same things, that’s okay. But don’t pretend you do — the results won’t be pretty.

14. Always playing devil’s advocate

Ever argue for the sake of arguing as if you’re a lawyer or something? Yeah… that. Seeing both sides to a situation is great, but going against everything your partner says/does/thinks just to do it is a problem. It also makes you kind of a jerk.

15. Constant complaining

Annoying things happen all the time, but usually, when we’re with great people, we don’t get annoyed at things like being stuck in traffic or having to wait an hour for a table at a restaurant. When small things threaten to ruin the night, they can start to threaten the relationship as well. Everyone’s patience runs short sometimes, but if all you do is complain about everything, it will slowly but surely kill your relationship.

Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com