Everything we do in life sends a message to other people — some actions show confidence while others show insecurity. If you want to be seen as the former instead of the latter, then read on to discover the 15 things that make you look insecure to other people.
1. Apologizing constantly.
We’re not saying you should never apologize. But if you’re at the point where you apologize for things that aren’t your fault, then we have a problem. You might think it makes you polite, but all it’s doing is showing your lack of confidence and security. So, when you have the urge to apologize, check in with yourself first to see if it’s something you truly should be sorry for.
2. Being a little too self-deprecating.
Being self-aware is a great thing! But you don’t have to be mean to yourself in order to achieve that. Sure we’ll admit sometimes self-deprecation can be funny, but if it’s something you’re engaging in frequently, then you may as well put a sticky note that says “I’m insecure” on your forehead.
3. Over-explaining.
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Here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone an explanation about any decision you make. So, when you overly explain why you can’t make it to the office happy hour, it makes you look like you’re worried or feeling insecure about people’s judgment.
4. Deferring to other people all the time.
It can feel easy to have other people make the decisions, but when you don’t express your feelings and preferences, it makes you look like you don’t trust your judgment. And that just further pushes the insecurity narrative. It’s okay to have opinions, and no one is going to vilify you for expressing them.
5. Downplaying your achievements.
Many people think that by not giving themselves a pat on the back, they look humble. But that’s actually not the case—when you downplay your achievements it signals that you don’t value your own skills and contributions. If you worked hard for something, you deserve to be recognized for that! So, the next time when someone congratulates you for a job well done, instead of saying “Oh, it wasn’t a big deal,” stand tall and say “Thanks I worked really hard on that.”
6. Not speaking up.
Have you ever been in a meeting and had an amazing idea but were too scared to share it? You probably thought you were playing it safe, but when you hold your tongue that’s showing yourself (and eventually others) that you don’t feel secure in your ideas and opinions.
7. Using particular words.
When you use minimizing language like “just” or “kind of” it makes people think you lack assertiveness (read: you’re insecure). It seems silly that two little words could say so much, but they do. The next time you catch yourself falling into the minimizing language trap, pause, re-set, and convey what you want to say with confidence.
8. Always seeking reassurance.
This is probably obvious, but people who are insecure crave reassurance and approval from others. But here’s the thing: getting reassurance from external sources only temporarily quiets your insecurities. That means you need to do the hard emotional work so you can validate yourself and not rely on others.
9. Ignoring compliments.
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We get it, taking compliments can feel uncomfortable! But if you can’t be okay with even a little praise, then you’re projecting your lack of confidence. People don’t just hand out compliments for free, so chances are, if someone says something nice, they genuinely mean it! You deserve to love yourself enough to believe them.
10. Not making eye contact.
Avoiding eye contact is a classic sign of insecurity. You might think it makes you less intimidating, but when you’re looking down while someone’s talking to you, you might as well be saying, “I am literally not confident enough to look you in the eye.” Sure, it’ll feel awkward and intimate at first, but that’s how people communicate and command respect.
11. Being overly self-critical.
We get it, you want to level up and be constantly improving yourself! And we’re not telling you not to. But there’s a difference between bettering yourself and being mean to yourself—when you’re overly critical you’re doing the latter. It also shows that you don’t believe in yourself which is a huge sign of insecurity.
12. Talking really fast.
Remember that one presentation you gave where you sped through the whole thing? Chances are, that was an insecure moment for you and you wanted to get through it as quickly as possible. Makes sense. But here’s the thing: you’re giving a presentation for a reason. That means that your thoughts and opinions have a space and deserve to be heard. Make people listen by slowing down a bit and speaking clearly.
13. Being indecisive.
You’re scared of making the wrong choice, getting criticized, or having negative consequences—that’s understandable. But second-guessing yourself isn’t getting you anywhere and it’s a sign of insecurity. The bottom line is that sometimes you will make the wrong choice. That’s human and it’s ok. But at the end of the day, it’s more about how you learn from your choices than the choices you make.
14. Comparing yourself to other people.
In the age of social media, it’s really hard not to do this. But when you’re constantly talking about how you wish you had the abs of a certain influencer or you wish you were as good at your job as one of your coworkers, you’re conveying a deeper message. And that is that you’re unsure and insecure of your own value.
15. Fidgeting.
When you’re feeling uncomfortable and insecure, it’s natural to do things like tap your fingers, play with random objects, and bounce your leg up and down. This is your way of releasing pent-up anxious energy, but it also sends a message of major insecurity. Try some power posing before you’re in a situation like this, it just might spark some much-needed confidence.
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