15 Things You’re Officially Allowed To Do Now That You’re Old

15 Things You’re Officially Allowed To Do Now That You’re Old

Getting older isn’t all aches and pains, believe it or not.

Turns out, those wrinkles come with some surprisingly awesome perks. From guilt-trip superpowers to the ability to complain about literally anything, old age is like an exclusive club with hilarious benefits. Forget worrying about what others think – it’s time to nap when you want, ask outrageously inappropriate questions, and flirt with reckless abandon. So, embrace the grumpiness, own those early bird specials, and get ready to discover the hilariously liberating side of aging.

1. You can nap whenever you want.

No more judging yourself for a midday snooze. Naps are an essential part of the senior lifestyle! Own that post-lunch power nap with pride. Invest in a cozy blanket, find the perfect napping spot with dappled sunlight, and drift off into sweet oblivion. Plus, as Johns Hopkins notes, 30- to 90-minute naps can have major brain benefits, so that’s even more reason to grab some additional shut-eye.

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2. You get to tell overly long stories and no one can stop you.

The younger generations are legally obligated to listen as you ramble about the good ol’ days. Bonus points if you repeat the same story multiple times for maximum eye-rolls. Embrace your power to recount the time you walked to school uphill (both ways!) in a blizzard. And exaggerate the details with each telling…it builds character in the younger folks.

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3. You gain “tell it like it is” superpowers.

Filter? What filter? Old age grants you permission to speak your mind, bluntly. Go forth and dispense your hard-earned wisdom, whether they want it or not. Decades of life experience means you’ve earned the right to drop some unfiltered truth bombs whenever the mood strikes.

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4. Eccentric fashion becomes your trademark.

Clashing patterns? Giant sunglasses? Socks with sandals? When you’re old, it’s not a fashion faux pas, it’s your quirky signature style. I mean, think of Iris Apfel (RIP) — she’s a perfect example! Rock that mismatched outfit with confidence, and own those neon yellow sneakers with pride. You’re basically a senior style icon in the making.

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5. Complaining about the weather is a legitimate hobby.

Too hot, too cold, too humid, too dry… There’s always something to grumble about! Embrace the stereotype and become the resident weather commentator amongst your friends. Start stockpiling phrases like “They don’t make summers like they used to…” for maximum impact.

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6. You can ask the new generation to explain technology to you (repeatedly).

Why learn when you’ve got personal tech support living in your family? Bask in the confusion of trying to understand TikTok or the latest slang. Force them to explain it… over and over. Bonus points if you feign helplessness: “I just can’t get these darned touchscreens to work!”

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7. Become the master of guilt trips.

You’ve perfected the art of the wistful sigh and the disappointed headshake. “When will I get to see my grandkids again?” works wonders. Deploy those guilt-inducing tactics for maximum results. And if a touch of the dramatics is required (a well-timed tear, perhaps), then all the better…they’ll be visiting every weekend!

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8. Early bird specials are your new culinary adventure.

4:30 pm dinner? Yes, please! Embrace the senior discount and enjoy a meal that doesn’t interfere with your favorite crime dramas. Discover the joys of a classic diner meatloaf (with extra gravy!) and the unexpected satisfaction of pie for dessert at an outrageously reasonable price.

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9. You magically become invisible to telemarketers.

They just seem to give up the second you mention your age. It’s a strange but very welcome phenomenon. Enjoy the peace and quiet! And should one slip through the cracks, play along for a bit with a confused “Operator? Is that you?” This is usually followed by them hanging up rather quickly.

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10. “Forgetfulness” is a convenient excuse.

Missed a birthday? Lost your keys? Simply blame it on “senior moments.” After all, forgetfulness is more common as we age, the American Psychological Association (APA) reports. This works like a charm, most of the time. Maybe you strategically “misplaced” those bills you didn’t want to pay anyway… just use your forgetfulness to your advantage. Nobody will be the wiser, and you might get extra time to make that payment!

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11. Flirting shamelessly has zero consequences.

Whether it’s the cute grocery store clerk or the friendly nurse at your checkup, a wink and a cheesy pick-up line are all in good fun. They’ll either blush or politely laugh… either way, you win. Think of it as brightening someone’s day with your harmless charm. A little playful flirting never hurt anyone.

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12. You can ask people their age, even if it’s rude.

Societal norms don’t apply to you! Old age gives you a free pass to ask all those inappropriate questions burning in your mind. Go ahead, be bold! If you’re curious how old your favorite TV show star is, just ask. Chances are, they’ll either be flattered or gently dodge the question in a way that keeps the mystery alive.

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13. Growing old disgracefully is the ultimate flex.

Forget trying to look young. Acting young at heart is way more fun. Crank up the music you loved as a teen, tell a slightly risqué joke… prove that old age doesn’t mean boring. Embrace doing exactly what makes you happy, societal expectations be damned!

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14. People carry stuff for you.

Suddenly, you acquire a team of helpful strangers! Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just age-activated. Let a young gentleman help you with those groceries, it’s good for their character-building. Test their strength with that heavy bag of cat litter – it builds muscle AND manners at the same time.

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15. You’ve earned the right to stop caring what others think.

After decades of trying to please everyone, you’re officially off the hook. Dance in public, dye your hair purple, adopt a senior chihuahua… Life’s too short to live it cautiously! Let go of the need for approval and focus on what genuinely brings you joy. Anyone who doesn’t get it simply doesn’t deserve a seat in your fabulous senior citizen life.

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Brad grew up in St. Louis and moved to California to attend Berkeley College of Music, where he graduated with a bachelor's degree in Music Production and Engineering. He still plays in a band on the weekend and during the week does a lot of writing and coffee-making to pay the bills. He's also been married for 7 years now, so he figures he must be doing something right.