Being the firstborn isn’t something you choose, but this role undoubtedly shapes the person you become. Whether you spent your childhood acting as the third parent or were simply dubbed the permanent chauffeur, being the oldest sibling instills a unique sense of responsibility and adaptability that influences the other relationships in your life. Here are some ways in which your position in the family defines you as a person.
1. You learn to adapt to change.
If there’s one life lesson that prepares you for each season of life, it’s adaptability. Day one, being an older sibling teaches you how to shift your schedule, expectations, and routine to welcome a new member of the family. Life throws curveballs more often than most of us would like, but the ability to remain flexible and adapt to a new normal is invaluable.
2. You’re taught to make room for others.
Becoming the oldest sibling forces you to make room for another human in your house, the backseat of the car, at your grandparents’ kitchen table—everywhere. But more than making room in the physical sense, the older sibling makes room in their heart to love another person and invite them into their life, and there are few life experiences more sacred than that.
3. You understand what it means to share (not just toys and space).
More than sharing toys, personal space, and hand-me-downs, being the oldest sibling teaches you how to share people. You step back and share Mom and Dad’s affection, the grandparents’ attention, sports coaches’ praises, the teacher’s encouragement, and the list goes on. This makes you the opposite of selfish in life.
4. You inherit the permanent title of “chauffeur.”
As the oldest sibling, you will undoubtedly be the first to drive or maybe own a car. This makes you the default chauffeur. You’re the one driving your younger sibling(s) to school, extracurricular activities, birthday parties, and anywhere else Mom and Dad can’t take them. Even when you can both drive as adults with spouses and children, the oldest sibling tends to offer their car and driving services for everyone.
5. You’re expected to be the wisest, sharing your experience.
Whether you’re the oldest sibling by a matter of months or over 10 years, you’ll always have a bit extra life experience, which, if you maximize, can be curated into wisdom to share with your younger sibling. You’re the Yoda to their Luke Skywalker, knowing their potential while sharing your experience to help them grow.
6. You have someone to share life with.
When we think of sharing life with someone, we tend to imagine our husband or wife, someone we’ve vowed to spend forever with. But siblings share core memories, childhood dreams, and plenty of lessons from wreckless teenage mistakes. We share life with our younger siblings, and they, in turn, share their lives with us, impacting how we enter and navigate adulthood.
7. You have someone who understands your childhood.
Whether your childhood was blissful or weighed by trauma, no one can understand your family struggles like a sibling. They know exactly what went on in the four walls of your home, and whether that’s good or bad, someone shared those vulnerable moments with you. This allows you to have a healthy processing partner as you grow older and decide which pieces of your childhood you want to continue and which you prefer to leave behind.
8. You have a big family to introduce your growing family to.
It’s a blessing to create memories with siblings—building forts, decorating Christmas cookies, keeping each other’s secrets—but it’s an even bigger blessing to watch your children have the best aunts and uncles. As the oldest sibling, you get to watch the younger siblings you grew up sharing memories with become memory makers for your kiddos. What a special bond that is!
9. You develop parental instincts young.
Perhaps it’s biological, but the oldest sibling has this innate parental instinct that develops early. Whether defending your younger sibling from the playground bully or spotting them serious cash when they’re behind on a student loan, the oldest sibling feels a deep responsibility to protect the younger sibling(s) and provide extra security.
10. You can know you’re never alone.
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The younger sibling allows the older sibling to know they’re never alone. Of course, you have relationships with others, whether through work, the gym, church, book club, etc., but a sibling serves as a blood reminder that you never have to sit by yourself at awkward family reunions, birthday dinners, or your apartment on a Friday night.
11. You were shaped by your role as the “guinea pig.”
Now that you aren’t the only child, you are dubbed your parents’ “guinea pig.” They didn’t always know what they were doing with you–and to be fair, no parent does with their first child. But that means where your parents might have gotten it wrong with you, they get it right with your younger sibling. This can create a sense of bitterness or jealousy if left unchecked.
12. You’re forced to reckon with jealousy.
Jealousy will inevitably crop up. “Sibling rivalry” was coined for a reason. Perhaps your parents had your younger sibling(s) a little later in life and now have more time to devote to them, or maybe your parents are more financially stable when the baby sibling comes so they get the new car, new clothes, new everything that you didn’t receive. Regardless, remember that jealousy is the catalyst for bitterness, and bitterness, once rooted, is hard to unearth.
13. You’re provided with an irreplaceable relationship.
Whether you are the oldest, middle child, or baby of the family, your siblings provide an irreplaceable relationship because no one else shares DNA so similar to yours. It’s almost as if a piece of each of you lives in the other. Your family’s history, heritage, and what makes you you is shared with your siblings.
14. You can always be one-upped.
Being the oldest sibling means you have the chance to set the bar high regarding anything from academics and sports to picking a partner the family loves. Meanwhile, setting the bar means the younger sibling has the chance to beat those standards. As I said, bitterness and jealousy can creep up easily if the oldest sibling allows comparison to control their thoughts and feelings.
15. You have a built-in best friend.
Regardless of an age gap, personality differences, or who’s the oldest or youngest, siblings are built-in best friends when each allows the occasional sibling rivalry and bout of jealousy to fall by the wayside. School friends come and go, and time often brings people in and out of your life, but it’s hard to shake the friendship between siblings—and that’s irreplaceable.
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