As much as we feel like our parents are superheroes who will live forever, as we get older, we realize they’re just as human as we are. The truth is that they won’t always be around, and we never know when we’ll run out of time to spend enjoying their company and learning about them and their lives before we were born. The next time you get together with your parents, ask them these questions — you’ll be glad you know the answers.
1. What’s one mistake you made, and what did you learn from it?
Learning from other people’s mistakes is life’s cheat code. Your parents aren’t exceptions; they’ve slipped and fallen — then they got right back up again and kept on going. This strength and resilience has no doubt been passed on to you, so inquire about how they got there! Ask this so you can sidestep some of the potholes they hit along their journey.
2. How did you handle hardships and failures?
You face challenges; so did they. Get the raw play-by-play. Their coping strategies may not be your go-to, but heck, knowing what kept them pushing might give you an extra trick in your bag when facing your own hard times. You’d be surprised at just how much respect and admiration you’ll develop for your parents once you realize where they’ve been in life.
3. What were your dreams when you were younger?
Deciphering where dreams intersect and diverge can shed light on some of your own ambitions. The dreams they never got to fulfill or goals they never accomplished might just spark inspiration for your path or instigate a reality check on ambition versus practicality.
4. Why did you choose each other?
Your romantic choices will determine a lot about your life, especially if you want to find someone to be with forever. Understanding your parents’ love story, if they’re still together, could scribble notes in the margins of your love life manuscript, even if it’s just to learn what not to do. If you’re a child of divorced parents, this is still a useful question — they loved each other once, after all!
5. What’s something you wish you had known about raising kids?
Parenting is trial by fire. Find out what blind spots they encountered. It’s not about catching them off-guard; it’s getting introspective insights for potential future diaper duties, or to simply understand their approach to raising you. You may go down a different path in your own life, and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean they did anything wrong (or that you will).
6. Can you tell me about our heritage?
Culture and roots run deep. Grasp these tales to stretch your personal narrative wider and deeper. It’s about more than just carrying on traditions; it’s about knowing the soil you grew from. This may already be a huge part of your life, in which case, you may have the answer to this. If you don’t, ask away!
7. What were the biggest societal pressures you faced?
Social landscapes shift. Their battles with society’s standards and biases are useful to know, as it can help you deal with today’s norms or the clash against them. You have to follow your own path in life no matter what anyone else. If your parents are trailblazers in their own way, they can show you how to follow in their footsteps!
8. Describe your most pivotal life moment.
Hearing about their game-changers—a career choice, a move, a risk—is a potential roadmap for when your compass goes haywire. The things we go through change us, and sometimes it’s not the biggest life events that have the biggest effects on us. What moment or moments did they experience that shifted who they were down to their core?
9. What health issues run in the family?
This is brass tacks. You need the intel for practical reasons, like avoiding the health landmines they strolled through unawares. Of course, some things are genetic and you can’t avoid them entirely, but knowing about any potential risks or things you should be on the lookout for will allow you to take better control of your health.
10. How did you manage finances and plan for the future?
You might find gold in their fiscal strategies or caution in their financial mishaps. Rummaging through their economic blueprint could save you from a cash catastrophe. Of course, if they’ve always been terrible with money, you’ll want to ask this just so you know what pitfalls to avoid in your own life.
11. Tell me about a time you really struggled with your own parents.
Generational clashes aren’t your invention. Learn how they navigated rough waters with their folks. Their insight might just help you steer through your own generational squalls. At the end of the day, you’re never going to see eye to eye on everything, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from each other and love each other regardless.
12. How did you build and maintain friendships over the years?
Their social survival techniques could be a salvage operation for when you feel isolated and alone, or be the lighthouse guiding you to harbor quality friendships in a transient world. It’s hard figuring out how to balance it all every day, but you can do it. Their experience will help you do it.
13. In what ways do you think I’m like you and not like you?
Even if you insist that you’re nothing like your parents, it’s pretty much impossible to have nothing at all in common with them. Find out what traits buzz through the family line and what’s uniquely you. It’s a mix of ego-stroking and self-discovery. Hopefully, the traits you picked up from them are the good ones!
14. What regrets do you have?
The “r” word. No one likes to talk about it, but exposing regrets lays the groundwork for you to live without your own what-ifs suffocating you. Chances are, there are a few things they’d have done differently if they could have. Knowing what those are can help you get to know them even better — and respect the sacrifices they’ve made.
15. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
Your parents have no doubt been through some incredibly tough times over the years. They got through them in the end, but doing so will have taken strength, courage, and determination that they probably weren’t even aware they had. Ask them about this — you might just see them in a whole new light.
16. What were your relationships with your siblings like?
This one is only for parents who aren’t only children, of course. Sibling dynamics set templates for your own interactions with your brothers and sisters, if you have them. Understanding their bonds or brawls might unlock patterns you’re blindly replaying.
17. If you could impart one piece of advice about life, what would it be?
Cut through the generalities and get them to distill life down to one pure, unadulterated drop of wisdom. It could be a mantra for the days you’re feeling a bit lost and unsure.
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