Although everyone feels self-conscious and unsure of themselves at times, someone with chronic insecurity moves through the world faking confidence, trying so hard to blend in. It’s exhausting! You can tell someone in your circle is trying to be self-assured even though they’re riddled with insecurity by looking out for these 16 red flags.
1. They try to downplay their feelings.
A big sign that someone’s secretly feeling insecure is if they’re always minimizing their emotions. When you ask them how they are, they might deflect the question so they can talk about something lighter. If they’re dealing with rejection, they might say, “Oh, it’s no big deal!” They do this so they don’t have to deal with their fears or vulnerability in front of others.
2. They ask others for tons of advice.
Although asking for advice from trusted loved ones can be helpful, insecure people don’t trust themselves to make solid choices. If they’re always second-guessing themselves, they’ll want advice about everything from everyone. This can cause them to rely too much on what other people think.
3. They suffer from “comparisonitis.”
Feeling insecure can cause someone to want to compare themselves to others to try to feel superior to them. In extreme cases, this can lead to “comparisonitis,” where they’re chronically judging themselves based on the people around them. Whenever they see someone they think is doing better than them, this drags their confidence down further, causing low self-worth and envy.
4. They can’t take a compliment.
If you compliment someone who’s insecure, they’re likely to bat away the comment or roll their eyes at you as though it’s a ridiculous statement. It’s sad that they can’t take a compliment even though they’re desperate to hear it because their self-worth is at such a low level.
5. They push themselves way too hard.
An insecure person will impress you with their work ethic, as they put in extra hours to succeed. But, underlying this could be low self-esteem, which causes them to feel like they have to overcompensate for a lack of confidence by pushing themselves harder than others. They always want to prove themselves and get other people’s approval because they don’t see themselves as good enough just as they are.
6. They try to be perfect.
Insecurity can cause someone to feel like they have to go the extra mile to be perfect because they equate self-worth with achievement. They fear being seen as a failure, which motivates them to be the best in every aspect of their lives. They also set high standards for themselves, which can risk burnout ’cause they’re chasing the impossible.
7. They say “yes” to all requests.
When friends or family members ask them for a favor, the insecure person will be quick to say “Sure!” The problem? They’ll do this even if they don’t want to help! By becoming a people pleaser, they feel they can get validation and approval from others, but this just shows a lack of boundaries and self-worth.
8. They brush off their feelings.
An insecure person might feel like they have to ignore their own feelings so they don’t give the impression that they lack confidence. The sad thing about doing this is that they fake their happiness, not giving themselves the opportunity to express what they truly feel. They also deny others the chance to connect with who they really are.
9. They post tons of daily selfies.
If one of your friends or followers on social media is always posting new selfies, this could point to them feeling insecure. They’re so desperate for other’s approval of them that they’re basically jumping up and down, screaming, “Hey, look at me! Give me some attention!” When they get “likes” and positive comments, it makes them feel worthy.
10. They always try to get the one-up.
If someone’s feeling insecure, they might resort to this tactic to make themselves feel better about themselves. So, if their friend tells them they got a promotion, they’ll talk about how they’ve started their own business. If their co-worker says they’re reading a cool book, they’ll mention that they wrote a book. It’s always about trying to appear more successful/smarter/more interesting.
11. They apologize too much.
Apologizing all the time is a huge red flag that the person is experiencing low self-confidence. They strongly crave other people’s approval, which causes them to second-guess their actions and worry about offending others. They might also feel like they have to take the blame for everything because they’re desperate to avoid conflict or don’t want to be judged unfairly.
12. They talk a lot.
Someone who’s insecure might try to talk a mile a minute so they can deal with their feelings of anxiety and low self-worth. During stressful social situations, they might try to talk excessively to feel more in control. By dominating the conversation, they might think they’re being perceived as confident, even though others could be viewing them as arrogant.
13. They’re always “busy.”
Someone who’s super-busy all the time could be trying to seem popular or important to others. For example, it might make them feel confident to decline an invitation to a party because they’re working so hard on their master’s degree thesis. They’re using their busy life to try to get attention and be seen as anything other than what they really feel: insecure.
14. They point out others’ faults.
To make themselves feel less insecure, someone with low levels of confidence will try to point out other people’s faults and flaws. By focusing on their shortcomings, they can deflect attention away from their own insecurities. In this way, they don’t have to confront their feelings of vulnerability.
15. They humble-brag to get attention.
Someone who’s feeling a bit insecure might try to get attention from others by humble-bragging. This is when they make a comment to get attention for an accomplishment, but they do it in a way that seems self-deprecating. So, they might say, “My new Porsche is so shiny, I’m scared I’m going to scratch it because I’m so clumsy.” Ugh.
16. They seek constant reassurance from their partner.
Insecurity can cause someone to feel like they’re not on stable ground in their relationship. Their low self-esteem might make them fear that they’re not good enough for their partner or worry that their partner will leave them for someone better. This could cause them to constantly seek reassurance from their partner to alleviate their feelings of not being good enough.
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