You might think your friend is the real deal, but they could be consumed by a need to be better than you or outshine you, whether in your personal or professional life. People who thrive on competition tend to be insecure, and they want to see other people fail so that they don’t feel so bad about their lives. If you notice any of these 16 sneaky signs in your friend, they’re trying to one-up you. Watch your back!
1. They’re surprised by your achievements.
When your friend hears that you published a book or ran a marathon, they seem taken aback. They might say, “Really?” as though they couldn’t believe that you’d be accomplished enough to achieve your goal. It’s a sneaky way for them to put you down without openly insulting you. As Psychology Today points out, this is how bullies and narcissists belittle you while lifting themselves up.
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2. They want to know everything about you.
Someone who’s secretly competitive with you might go out of their way get the gossip about your life on a regular basis so that they can keep tabs on you. If they don’t do this, how can they compete? Be wary of the so-called friend who only calls for “catch-up” chats but never tells you much about their life.
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3. They seem to have good intentions, but something feels off.
Yes, your friend is technically there when you need them, but your intuition’s telling you otherwise. Listen to that inner voice because it could be picking up an undercurrent in your interactions. There’s something fake about your friend, and they could be supporting you during tough times because they just want to glory in your distress.
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4. They always have something bigger and better to do.
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It might sometimes feel like this friend is always keen to point out that they’re super busy so they can’t see you. Or, they’ll outline the amazing holiday or party they’re attending without you. It’s all about trying to one-up your social life and seem more popular or interesting than you.
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5. They’re louder than you in social gatherings.
Someone who feels the need to compete with you is jealous of you, Forbes notes. To deal with this feeling, they have to try to be better than you. So, in social gatherings, you might notice that the person constantly tries to be the loudest or funniest person in the room. When you speak, they might keep cutting you off because they don’t want you to get approval or attention.
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6. They get extra competitive when playing games.
You might think a fun game of table tennis is a great way to relax and unwind with your friends, but a secretly competitive friend will use any opportunity to win. Since they take friendly games seriously, they’ll demand a rematch when they lose or make a big scene of winning even if it comes off as obnoxious. This isn’t just incidental — it’s indicative of their overall attitude towards you, and it’s toxic.
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7. They crave as much attention as they can get.
If your friend or the person you’re dating is competitive, they’ll probably want to be the center of attention everywhere they go. You might notice that they try to steal the spotlight to keep you in the shadows, like by dominating conversations with mutual friends or even outright ignoring you when you’re talking.
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8. They make your successes seem… not that great.
Ever share good news only to be met with a weird vibe? Maybe your friend smirks, or suddenly asks a ton of questions that make you doubt your success. This could be a sign that they’re secretly competitive and envious. Sharing your accomplishments shouldn’t feel draining, and if it does, it might be time to question the friendship.
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9. They give you a ton of insincere compliments.
Even the most outwardly supportive friend might secretly harbor competitive feelings. Notice those backhanded compliments, the kind that sound good on the surface but leave you feeling subtly… off. Pay attention to their body language when you share a success – a fleeting smirk or a slight tension in their smile can reveal what their words try to mask.
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10. They don’t like to do anything new with you.
You invite your friend to go bowling or kayaking and they say they can’t hang out. If they always decline your invite when you’re keen to do something different, it could be that they don’t want to step out of their comfort zone. They want to feel in control and it’s difficult for them to do that if they’re in a new situation. Insecure people struggle to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, Verywell Mind notes, hence their obsession with being in charge (and orchestrating situations to their own advantage).
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11. They don’t share too much about their lives.
While the person wants to know everything about your life, they keep their lips zipped whenever you ask them about themselves. It gives them a bit of power to be informed about you while remaining mysterious so you can’t gauge their true intentions. Sneaky!
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12. They focus on what’s going wrong in your life.
Someone who’s trying to compete with you might try to focus on your flaws and failures. This is their way of making you feel bad about yourself. For instance, they might ask you how the ex you’re not over is doing or remind you that you’ve got to be careful not to lose your temper at work because that’s what got you fired from your last job. It’s so insulting!
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13. They brag a lot about their success.
As we’ve already established, competitive people often mask deep-rooted insecurities. To feel better about themselves, they might constantly one-up you – bragging about their job, their relationship, their life. It’s especially noticeable when you’re feeling a little vulnerable. They seem to thrive on the comparison, using your low moments to boost their own ego.
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14. They fake concern when you go through a tough time.
Their concern always feels a little off when you’re struggling. They might offer generic words of support, but there’s a subtle “I told you so” energy lurking beneath the surface. Instead of true empathy, they seem to get a strange satisfaction from seeing you down, their actions doing the opposite of lifting you up.
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15. They joke-belittle you in front of other people.
If the person’s feeling threatened by you, they might try to find ways to put you down. In social gatherings, for example, they might tease you or make you the butt of their jokes. Sure, it’s all in good fun, but is it really? Not if it feels bad!
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16. They seem happy when you fail.
Having a strong competitive tendency can make someone toxic. They’ll enjoy witnessing your failures because it makes them feel better about themselves. So, you might notice a sparkle in their eye when you tell them that your partner left you or you had to cancel your party because you were sick. Talk about adding insult to injury!
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