16 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Happiness

Think you have happiness all figured out? You might be in for a surprise. From chasing material possessions to obsessing over perfection, many of our go-to strategies for finding joy are actually misguided. If you truly want to feel content in life, you have to get rid of these worn-out ideas and debunk those persistent myths.

1. Happiness means being cheerful all the time.

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Happiness isn’t about constant smiles and rainbows, Psychology Today points out. It’s about a sense of contentment and well-being, even when life truly sucks. It’s perfectly normal to experience a full spectrum of emotions – sadness, anger, frustration – those are part of the human experience just as much as joy.

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2. You need external things to be happy.

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While a new car or dream vacation can provide temporary excitement, true happiness isn’t about material possessions. Over time, we adapt to what we have, leading to a constant chase for something “more.” Lasting happiness comes from within.

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3. Happiness is a final destination.

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We often think of happiness as a goal we’ll reach “someday” — once we get the job, find the perfect partner, etc. But happiness is a journey, not a destination. It’s found in appreciating the present moment, even the imperfect ones.

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4. You’re either happy or you’re not.

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Happiness exists on a spectrum. You’re not just “happy” or “unhappy” – there’s a whole range of emotions in between. Sometimes you feel deeply content, other times merely okay, and sometimes struggling. That’s all normal, and it doesn’t detract from the big picture.

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5. If you’re not happy, something is wrong with you.

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We live in a culture that puts a huge emphasis on constant happiness, which can lead to self-blame when we don’t feel elated all the time. But life isn’t always easy, and it’s both natural and healthy to experience difficult emotions sometimes. Give yourself permission to feel the full range of human experience.

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6. You should always “look on the bright side.”

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Toxic positivity, the pressure to always be upbeat, can actually be harmful, per Everyday Health. Forcing yourself to suppress negative emotions doesn’t make them magically go away. It’s more important to authentically acknowledge and process your feelings, both the tough and the pleasant ones.

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7. Other people are responsible for your happiness.

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It’s easy to fall into the trap of relying on partners, friends, or family to make you happy. However, if you put all the responsibility for your joy on external factors, you’ll always be left wanting (not to mention putting unfair pressure on the people you care about). True happiness starts with finding contentment within yourself.

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8. Happiness just happens to some people.

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Some people seem naturally bubbly, but happiness isn’t just about luck. It takes effort, practice, and a conscious commitment to prioritize your well-being. Small choices like gratitude practices, connecting with loved ones, and caring for your mental and physical health can make a big difference.

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9. A busy life means a happy life.

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We often equate busyness with success and fulfillment, but constantly hustling can lead to burnout and overwhelm. True happiness requires moments of stillness and finding joy in the simple things. It’s about intentional living and creating space for the things that truly matter to you.

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10. A little competition is healthy and inspiring.

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The saying “comparison is the thief of joy” is popular for a reason. Constantly comparing your life to others – possessions, achievements, relationships – fuels dissatisfaction and a sense of never being enough. Focus on your own growth and journey instead of using other people as your measuring stick.

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11. You need to find your “passion.”

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The pressure to find your one true passion can make people feel inadequate if they enjoy many things or haven’t discovered their ultimate calling. Happiness doesn’t come from one grand pursuit – it can be found in multiple areas of your life, from hobbies to career to relationships.

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12. Failure is always a setback.

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We’re taught to fear failure, but it’s an essential part of growth and learning. Instead of viewing failure as the end, reframe it as an opportunity to try again, do it differently, or choose a new path. Resilience in the face of setbacks is key to a happy, fulfilling life.

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13. You should never say “no.”

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People-pleasing and always putting other people first leads to burnout, resentment, and an inability to prioritize your own happiness. Saying “no” is a form of self-care. It means setting boundaries, respecting your own needs, and making space for the things that recharge you.

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14. Self-care is selfish.

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Taking care of yourself – physically, mentally, and emotionally – isn’t selfish, it’s essential. When you prioritize your own well-being, you have more energy and resources to give to others. Think of it like putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping those around you.

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15. Happiness looks the same for everyone.

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There’s no single right way to be happy. Some people find joy in quiet solitude, others in big adventures. Your version of happiness might be completely different from your friend’s or neighbor’s, and that’s perfectly okay. Stop trying to fit someone else’s definition of a good life.

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16. Happiness is easy.

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Happiness takes work. It’s about nurturing positive mindsets, building strong relationships, making healthy choices, and facing challenges with resilience. It’s a daily practice, not a magical state you achieve and then never have to work on again.

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Gail is Bolde's social media and partnership manager, as well as an all-around behind-the-scenes renaissance woman. She worked for more than 25 years in her city's local government before making the switch to women's lifestyle and relationship sites, initially at HelloGiggles before making the switch to Bolde.